Sunday, 27 April 2014

Humanity : No (Denial)


A denial, is asserting that a statement or allegation is not true. It was postulated by Sigmund Freud; denial is when a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it, insisting that it is not true despite overwhelming evidence.
It may be:
  • simple denial: deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether
  • minimization: admit the fact but deny its seriousness (a combination of denial and rationalization)
  • projection: admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility by blaming somebody or something else.
The concept of denial is particularly acute in the field of addiction. The theory of denial was first researched by Anna Freud. She classified denial as a mechanism of an immature mind, conflicts with the ability in learning from and coping with reality.
Denial to the mature minds occurs and often associated with death, dying and rape.
Understanding denial and its purpose
Denial is the psychological process where a painful truth is pushed out of an individual's consciousness. We use denial as a defense mechanism, to protect ourselves from the force of a truth; we imagine will be too shattering for us to cope with. When someone we love dies suddenly, for example, for many months we may keep expecting them to come home as usual. We 'deny' their death, because we can't cope with the loss.
Some of the feelings behind your denial may be:
  • Fear of getting worse
  • Fear of losing control.
  • Anger at being ill or in pain.
  • Anger at you or others for not understanding what it means to be sick.
  • Anger to medical personnel for seeming insensitive or indifferent.
  • Frustrated by mixed feelings about reaching out to others.  
Humans are chronically attached to the past. We don't like separation from what's familiar: it makes us feel deeply insecure. From the moment of birth when we had to leave the womb, or the time of weaning when we had to leave the breast. Courage and psychological strength are needed to face an unknown future - especially when the future seems to be governed by forces beyond our control. But also we don't want to change our pattern of living because we high-consumers have been having a pretty good time. We like our 'modern' high-tech lifestyles, full of gadgets and glitter. 
Pyramid of Denial

  Common reasons for denial
Refusing to acknowledge that something's wrong is a way of coping with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety.
When you're in denial, you:
  • Refuse to acknowledge a stressful problem or situation
  • Avoid facing the facts of the situation
  • Minimize the consequences of the situation
In its strictest sense, denial is an unconscious process. You don't generally decide to be in denial about something. But some research suggests that denial might have a conscious component — on some level, you might choose to be in denial.

You can be in denial about anything that makes you feel vulnerable or threatens your sense of control, such as: 

  • A chronic or terminal illness
  • Depression or other mental health conditions
  • Addiction
  • Financial problems
  • Job difficulties
  • Relationship conflicts
  • Traumatic events
You can be in denial about something happening to you or to someone else.
Situations in which denial can be helpful
Refusing to face facts might seem blatantly unhealthy. Sometimes, though, a short period of denial can be helpful. Being in denial gives your mind the opportunity to unconsciously absorb shocking or distressing information at a pace that won't send you into a psychological tailspin.

After a traumatic event, you might need several days or weeks to fully process what's happened and come to grips with the challenges ahead. Imagine what might happen if you find a lump in your throat. You might feel a rush of fear and adrenaline as you imagine its cancer. So you decide to ignore the lump, hoping it'll go away on its own. But when the lump is still there a week later, you consult your doctor.

This type of denial is a helpful response to stressful information. You initially denied the distressing problem. As your mind absorbed it, however, you came to approach it more rationally and took action by seeking help.
Situations in which denial can be harmful
But what if you had continued to be in denial and tried to forget about it entirely? What if you never sought help? If denial persists and prevents you from taking appropriate action, it's a harmful response.

Consider these examples of unhealthy denial:

  • A college student witnesses a violent shooting but claims not to be affected by it.
  • The partner of an older man in the end stage of life refuses to discuss health care directives and wills, insisting that he's getting better.
  • An administrator periodically misses a morning meeting after drinking excessively the night before, but insists there's no problem because the work is still getting done.
  • A couple are ringing up so much credit card debt that they toss the bills aside because they can't bear to open them.
  • The parents of a young daughter with drug addiction keep giving her "clothing" money.

In situations such as these, denial might prevent you or your loved one from getting help, such as treatment or counseling, or dealing with problems that can spiral out of control — all with potentially devastating long-term consequences.

14 types of denial

1. Global Thinking
Attempting to justify something with terms like always” or “never” or “whatsoever. It also can be something along the lines of “every guy does this”.
2. Rationalization
Justifying unacceptable behavior saying things like I don’t have a problem, I’m just sexually liberated”, or “You’re crazy”, or “I can go months without this, so I don’t have a problem. Rationalization is telling yourself Rational Lies.
3. Minimizing
Trying to make behavior or consequences seem smaller or less important than they are saying things like only a little”, or “only once in a while”, or “it’s no big deal”, or simply telling the story in a better light than it really should be.
4. Comparison
Shifting focus to someone else to justify behaviors such as I’m not as bad as…
5. Uniqueness
Thinking you are different or special saying things like “My situation is different” or “I was hurt more” or “That’s fine for you, but I’m too busy”. This one can also be considered Entitlement.
6. Distraction (Avoiding by creating an uproar or distraction)
Being a clown and getting everyone laughing, having angry outbursts meant to frighten or intimidate others, threats and posturing, and doing shocking behavior that may even be sexual. When we simply blow up upon being confronted hoping that our explosion will draw attention rather than the actual issue.
7. Avoiding by Omission
This is trying to change the subject, ignore the subject, or manipulate the conversation to avoid talking about something. It is also leaving out important bits of information like the fact that the lover is underage, or the person is a close friend of your spouse, or revealing enough information while keeping back the most “dangerous” information that will get you in more trouble.

8. Blaming
Shifting the blame and responsibility from yourself to another person, and is done unconsciously since we really don’t want to be held responsible for something. This includes, Well, you would cruise all night, too, if you had my job”, or “If my spouse weren’t so cold…” or “I can’t help it, the baby cries day and night and makes me nervous”.
9. Intellectualizing
Avoiding feelings and responsibility by thinking or by asking why. Trying to explain everything but getting lost in detail, a rabbit trails, and/or a tall storytelling. This often includes pretending superior intellect and using intelligence as a weapon.
10. Victim Mentality (Hopelessness/Helplessness)
This is where a person says, “I’m a victim”, or “I can’t help it”, or “There is nothing I can do to get better” or “I’m the worst”.
11. Manipulative behavior
This usually involves some distortion of reality including the use of power, lies, secrets, or guilt to exploit others.
12. Compartmentalizing
This is something that almost every addict does. This is separating your life into compartments in which you do things that you keep separate from other parts of your life. This is like a Jekyll and Hyde or a separation of Public and Private life to the point where it is unhealthy driven by thoughts of If they only knew, then…
13. Crazy making
This occurs when we are confronted by others who DO have a correct perception… we simply tell them that they are totally wrong. We act indignantly toward them attempting to make them feel crazy by simply positing that they cannot trust their own perceptions.
14. Seduction
The use of charm, humor, good looks, or helpfulness to gain sexual access and cover up insincerity.

Moving past denial

Denial acts as a buffer, giving us time to absorb the full impact of an upsetting experience or shock. It is helpful at first, but not if it continues.

You can ask yourself if any of the following signs of denial are present in yourself:
  • You feel as though you are in a daze, are easily distracted, and do not fully perceive things around you.
  • You are going through the motions with little awareness of those around you.
  • You are concocting fantasies to explain what has happened. You are misinterpreting what others are saying or doing.
  • You are less efficient, and small tasks appear very complicated. You are obsessing about minor details and avoiding larger responsibilities.
  • Your emotions are blocked. You feel mechanical or you may explode easily, taking you and others by surprise.
  • You feel a variety of aches and pains which are unexplained. These are signals.
  • You avoid situations that bring you into contact with a reality you want to avoid.
It isn't always easy to tell if denial is holding you back. If you feel stuck or if someone you trust suggests that you're in denial state. However, you might try these strategies:
  • Honestly ask yourself what you fear.
  • Think about the potential negative consequences of not taking action.
  • Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions.
  • Try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation.
  • Journal about your experience.
  • Open up to a trusted friend or loved one.
  • Participate in a support group.
To confront your denial means you must feel, understand, and express the emotions behind the denial.

Excerpt and extracts taken from with many thanks :

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Man : Knifing (Character Assassination)

Character assassination

Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process and actions that aims to tarnished and destroy the credibility and reputation of a person, institution, social group, or nation. It involves exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.
For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, the end result being rejected by his community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.
In practice, character assassination may involve doublespeak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject's morals, integrity, and reputation. It may involve spinning information that is technically true, but that is presented in a misleading manner or is presented without the necessary context. Agents of character assassinations employ a mix of open and covert methods to achieve their goals, such as raising false accusations, planting and fostering rumors, and manipulating information.
Two major themes emerge.
a.      The first is the psychology of the process of character assassination. The agent conducts a slander campaign, which involves a distortion of the truth. He maliciously attempts to defame, which involves the seriousness of his intention. He does this in the public view, which involves a political climate for his action. The esteeming of the victim by the audience, the "favorable opinion, founded on supposed worth" establishes his reputation. The "stigma" attached to the victim, represents the way in which he accommodates to the fait accompli of the character assassination.
b.      The second theme is the structural setting of a character assassination. What encourages an agent, what sort of person is likely to take this role? What makes an audience ready and able to victimize certain people, as against others; when indeed are they able to get away with it? And how does it happen that the victim fails to assert his good character?
Structurally, a character assassination to survive it requires three parties, the character assassin or agent, the public whose estimation is to be altered or audience, and the person targeted or victim.
Unlike physical murder, it is rarely carried out by single individual. The deadening process occurs out in public. The speed and effectiveness of the bullet is increased by the public’s compliance in accepting the manipulation of the target’s public image, a “murder of someone in the public consciousness”. While physical assassination is carried out instantly with a bullet, character assassination is a gradual process of destroying the targeted person’s public image, incapacitating the person’s ability to freely act. This occurs without public awareness of the machinations and intentions behind the events and often without revealing who actually pulls the trigger.
 New Statesman nominated Assange, editor-in-chief and founder of Wiki Leaks, on the list of 50 people who matter most in 2010 and won Time Magazine‘s reader’s poll for Person of the Year, while finishing third as the editor’s pick. Assange however quickly became a controversial figure. His image was soon colored by words such as traitor, high tech terrorist and enemy combatant. Former colleagues and media partners joined the fray with tabloid style hit pieces, in articles and tell-all books that portray him as controlling, volatile or unpredictable.
a.   Heartless
A cold and heartless killer of another's character. It is the result of a narcissistic person who simply did not get their way or could not get their intended victim to do and/or see things their way. The need to vindicate and seek the ultimate revenge: complete character assassination of their victim. The victim may be a spouse, a girlfriend or boyfriend, political or business foe who has had enough of their significant other's possessiveness and jealousy, or who did not give what the assassin intended relationship. The assassin feels they have been wronged at no fault of their own. This person has no ability to reason or the logic it takes to understand the situation in a mature way.
    b.   Lies
The character assassin will use deliberate exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue, undesirable projection of the target. The assassin will spread rumors and give the wrong information about the victim relating to their morals, dignity, integrity, and reputation. The victim may end up rejected by their very own family and community. Although these claims were slander, this attack is rather very successful in the community. Unfortunately, many people believe in the story, due to their own general sadistic human character. These people find the embarrassment and disgrace of others entertaining.
   c.    Obsessive Behavior
Other characteristics of the assassin include extreme paranoia, narcissism, obsessive behavior, stalking, and harassment of their victim. Contradictory behavior and speech is common. Spending most of their times, coming up with new plans to ruin the intended victim. The assassin spends most of their time planning the next attack. Focusing on the destruction, hounding, intimidating and embarrassing the intended foe.
   d.   Emotion Abuser
A typically emotional abuser. Spending time making fun of others, playing pranks to annoy, and otherwise demeaning those near to him make him feel better about himself.
The assassin needs an audience. In order to gain control of every situation possible in their concentrated efforts to destroy the victim, they use techniques to lure disciples that will help them with their tasks. One of these techniques is the sympathy technique. They are able to lay it on thick when it comes to making others feel sorry for them. They are incessant whiners who look to those who are sensitive to them and naive.
   e.   Brain Washing
Another technique is brain washing. The assassin is capable of working on a person for several years in advance to benefit him. A proficient maestro of scandalous orchestra. Prising the situations for his wicked plot. Human are gullible and eager for attention, grooming public with persuasion, false accusations and manipulation to get disciples to sympathize with his cause.
A disciple with low self-esteem, dishonest, pessimistic, and pathetic will be a good target to get sympathized from the assassin’s exalted and intelligent mind.
But due to the destructive nature of this person, they are not capable of doing anything good with their life and will be eternally miserable, taking others who disgruntle them down with them. Disciples are doomed to unhappiness as well. After joining the ranks of the assassin and his cohorts, a disciple cannot resign from their position. Doing this will lead to their ultimate character assassination. No one turns their back on the assassin without consequences, especially not his disciples.


Attack the person, showing them to be bad and unworthy. Any of the 'four Ds' below may be used (as well as additional methods):
  • Discredit them, showing their arguments and decisions are weak and they are incapable in their work.
  • Use defamation, damaging the good reputation and name of others.
  • Demonize them, turning them into bad people that everyone hates, such that anything they do will be considered bad.
  • Dehumanize them, treating them as a 'thing' and framing them as non-human with negligible values.


Attack the person in some way. For example:
  • Attack their expertise, questioning their qualifications or experience
  • Criticize their physical appearance or dress
  • Comment on their inability to make a good argument
  • Point out their junior status
  • Attack their values as being contrary to social norms
  • Interpret a minor error as major
  • Attach them to discredited others


George W. Bush, former US President, was demonized over his cavalier attitude towards warfare.
Arthur Scargill, a trade union leader, was discredited by Margaret Thatcher's tactics during the 1980s miner's strikes, where the strikes failed to have any serious economic effect. She was then able to close most mines without further protest.
·     Manipulation
Blindness of one’s human unconscious emotions and the need to project oneself will make a person vulnerable to manipulation. People will react to outer compulsion when compelled to without justification.  Thus for the provocateur of character assassins, the control of people perception works well when the mass of human are  repressed with distorted emotions and desires. The public then becomes like a group of rats in a lab. With simple stimulus of threat or reward the desired responses from the people are attained. Being manipulative plays upon exaggeration and manipulations of facts. Manipulating things for their own self-gain or revengeful act.
·     Control
The power to control can move mountains and sway whole populations without lifting a finger. People can be corralled to passionately defend narrow ideologies, usually by fighting those branded as a threat to the group. Pushed into the reactionary mode of fight or flight, people are driven by fear of ‘red scare’ or ‘threat of terrorists’ into simple minded ideology charged with emotions.  They are always driven to chase ever-changing mirages of an enemy that was predefined for them
·     Jealousy
A strong trait in character assassins. Jealousy to another person due: friendship, popularity, strength, intelligence
·     Harm
Character assassinationwhich is a deliberate attempt to seriously damage the reputation, character, social status, or achievements of another person. The motivation for character assassination is typically rooted in the attackers’ (assassin’s) desire to harm the victim psychologically and reduce public support for the victim. This should ultimately devastate or even destroy his or her chances to succeed. In other cases, character assassination is conducted to hurt the cause that the victim symbolizes or defends.
·     Sore Loser
Instead of admitting defeat like a decent person, they take an ignoble path and try to defame the victor.  Instead of admitting their faults, they started talking to other to defame the victors. They will resort as a form of payback and vindictive.
·     Opportunists
Greedy opportunist will resort to character assassination when the time is right

Victims They Assassinate
  i.        Ruin Reputation
Reputation is the esteem in which a person is held by others. Character assassination is the attempted ruin of reputation. The dictionary gives, "the slandering of another person (as a public figure) with the intention of destroying public trust in him."
Plainly, destruction of reputation or on a personal or occasional basis. Slander, "to injure by malicious false report.
 ii.        Tattered Life
The victim will suffer the most. After the malicious attack, the victim is left to pick up the pieces of their lives. Sometimes this is an impossible task where they live and the victim, defeated and weak, has to leave her community and attempt to start over somewhere new. Beaten down and broken, the victim can have a difficult time trusting others in order to begin meaningful, new relationships.
iii.        Stigmazed
One's view of the public can become averse, causing anxiety and distaste for social situations. Even a trip to the grocery store can be problematic to the emotional state of the victim.
iv.        Depressed
Depression is common after such a harmful assault. The fatigue and sadness can be debilitating. It takes a very strong person to withstand such a traumatic life event. Trying in maintaining self-respect and dignity the best in their community. It is very difficult, the need to be strong and regain control of her life.

Repudiating Character Assassination
Most of the population of a country depend on the media for the 'truth', which gives the media immense power and hence also a target for politicians who may try to influence or even infiltrate newspapers and other broadcasters.
With the advent of the web and blogging, the situation is more confused as both propagandists and anti-propagandists make bold assertions that are impossible to verify. Smear campaigns can be used not only against individuals but also organizations, for example governments framing anti-war protestors as cowards or companies accusing trade unions of being influenced by foreign communists.
In fallacies of argumentation, attacking the person is also known as 'Ad Hominem'.
a)   Discussion
The first rule of dealing with people you don’t agree with is to see them face to face and discuss the problem. Putting it out in public where you can’t take it back without admitting your fault is very dangerous both to yourself and to the person you have disagreement with.
Why do some people do this act? I believe the most common reason for this is a sense of guilt that someone can’t get rid of so they project it outward onto someone else to make themselves look less guilty. Sometimes ego gets in the way of what is best for you.
b)  Culture
For those so-called caring society, believing in misinformation’s is a crime to humanity, there is a need to have a culture of:
1)      introspecting the effects in believing of the story-telling of  the intended target,
2)      blind believing in the lies and without due care is a case  harassment, defamations and attacks, and need to be reconciled
3)      the process to clarified on any information and any misinformation need to set  right.
c)   Open Mindness
Sadly, the reality now, it seems friends/family members/public are not exempted from the target of misinformation by agencies seeking to harm intended parties. The very act of deceit through withholding information relevant to the safety of the target is a blatant violation of family/friend/public trust.
Be very careful to assume a role of involvement in the character assassin charade. Be open and wise on accepting information, more so if it involves personal character as the consequences can be catastrophic to the targeted persons. It is an act of harassment and defamations of personal character.
a)   Accept that you have been guilty of character assassination.
Stick to the facts. No matter how much the other party might have hurt you, you are still accountable for your own actions. You are trying to clean up your act. The other party is responsible for his or her side of things.
b)  Write privately about the situation.
If you are in the habit of keeping a private journal, write about what happened, and how you handled it. If journaling is new to you, start out small, with some paper and a pen. Let out all of your feelings on the matter, regardless of how ridiculous or petty those feelings might seem.
c)   Read what you have written.
Ask yourself if you want to feel that way anymore. Would you want anyone to feel that way about you? If you are ready to let go of those feelings, some healing can begin.
d)  Make a list of every person you have broadcast your hurt and anger about the original situation.
Do you sound like a broken record? Accept that it's time to stop. You cannot undo what you have already done, but you can make sure that your harsh words won't add to the problem. Make a promise to yourself to stop your behavior.
e)   Rehearse a strategy to handle the topic (with outside parties) in case it comes up again.
For example, if you are used to assassinating your brother-in-law's character to other family members, don't raise the topic yourself. If anyone asks you about your feelings on the matter, say something like, "You know, that's a painful situation, and I'd rather not talk about it right now." Most people will accept that.
f)      Secret
As feelings about the subject arise within you, confined them to paper, or possibly one close advisor unrelated to the situation, such as a trusted, objective friend or therapist.
Each of us makes the human society and the progress of the human society depends on each of us.  Inter-relationships between family members and relatives, interactions between neighbors, between teachers and students, parents and children, and between the rulers and the ruled should always revolve around a sincere and continuous struggle for betterment, and for the prevalence of virtue.
It should also be remembered that we should first thoroughly investigate before trusting a negative comment about any given person. Human etiquettes teach us that we should think well about others, and interpret their words and actions positively and in well intended manner.

Excerpt and extracts taken with thanks from:
Eric Shiraev