Man : Mom Blues (Career Mom)
A. Dealing With Working Moms Guilt, Whether You Love or Hate Your Job
§ If you wish you
could be a better mom, you’re not alone. Working mom's guilt is practically an epidemic.
o
10
percent of mothers working full-time give themselves the highest rating for
their parenting
o
just
24 percent of mothers working part-time give themselves a 10 as a parent, according to a Pew Research Centre survey, Washington DC.
i. Is Working Moms Guilt Telling You Something?
§ Sometimes guilt can
be a warning signal that you need to make a change in your life.
o
unhappy
with your child care provider
o
boss
making it hard for you to balance
o
your
husband or partner for more help around the house
§ If you see a sign,
fix it.
o
If
you can't correct it right away,
o
resolving
to do so can dispel the guilt
o
plan
to have a better work-life balance in two or three years,
o
start
saving so you can quit your job,
it's easier to brush off the pangs of guilt.
ii. Write Down the Reasons You Work
o
Love
our jobs.
o
Need
the money.
o
Risk
dropping out of competitiveness in work market. We realize we'd be
o
A
miserable as stay-at-home moms and would make our children unhappy.
o
Set
an example of a successful, independent wage-earner.
§ Write down your own
motivations and reassured that you need to do, then simply let go of the guilt.
Trust yourself and the choices you've made for your family.
§ But keep the list.
When guilt arises again – and it will – pull it out to refresh your memory.
iii. Stay Away From People Who Make You Feel Guilty
o Neighbor , "I could never let someone else raise my child" – so
stop doing it!
o
Relatives,
mother-in-law about working, find an excuse to leave the room. That's better
than stabbing a fork through her hand, after all.
iv. Consider the Source
§ When face an anti-working mom comment ,
o
try
to remember, all speak from own perspective, based on own experiences.
o
choices
the speaker made for her own family. Did she put her
o
career
on hold to be home with kids? Did she
o
miss
working or hate being dependant on her husband for money
v. Time Off
§ When feeling guilty,
o
Take
a day off just to spend with your child.
o
Put
nothing else on that day's agenda
o
Reconnect
with your kid's daily rhythms, appetite, and personality
o
Child
will relish the special time with Mommy.
§ For toddlers,
examine physically, see naps and eats,
o Indulge
in activities that don't fit elsewhere in the week.
o Pre teen, let them choose the agenda, whether it's the mall, a bike ride,
or lunch and a matinee with Mom.
§ Opportunity to
assess whether you'd be happier working less,
or not at all. More likely, you'll reaffirm the life choices you've made.
vi. Remember That All Moms Have Challenges
o
Feeling
work-family conflict,
o Idealize
the life you would have as a stay-at-home mom.
§ The reality is that
stay-at-home parents can have as much stress as working parents, if not more,
depending on the age, temperament and number of kids.
vii. Acknowledge the Loss
§ A simple fact
o That
a working mom isn't going to witness every single minute of her children's day.
o
It's
okay to be sad about missing out on the sweet moments and the fun.
o
Mourning
the things you're giving up by working, it may be easier for you to enjoy the
things you're gaining. It's no use pretending there aren't tradeoffs.
viii. Bear in Mind That Life Changes.
o
The
choices seem like forever now, but who knows what the future holds.
o
Don’t
be judgmental of others' life choices. Be at ease with your choice.
o
Keep
open mind of the possibility of personal and family d shift. Revisit your
work-life balance periodically to make sure it still meets your needs.
B. Self-Care Tips for Working Moms
§ Taking Care of Yourself – Why It’s Important
o
Priority
to care of yourself. Mom's needs often seem to come last. After your kids,
their dad, your job, the pets, and endless errands.
o
Not
enough time to get everything done, to self - exercise, leisure or relax bath.
o
Always
stay on the back burner.
§ If Mama Isn’t Happy, Nobody Is Happy
o
When
stressed or burnt out, everyone in the house suffers. The baby, Children may
respond to a tense mom by acting out.
o
Take
an hour or two to yourself, for whatever nourishes you, the rest of the day (or
week) will be easier and more fun.
o
An
energetic and refreshed mom: by paying attention to your own needs, you’ll
actually be better at meeting everyone else’s.
§ Stress and Sleep Deprivation Make You Fat
o
Stress
and sleep deprivation release cortisol into your bloodstream, which triggers fat storage around
your waist.
o
Demoralizing
to carry more weight than your ideal,
· it
increases your risk of developing heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and
arthritis, among other conditions.
§ Other People Are Capable, Too
o
Don’t
fall into the Superwoman trap,
·
thinking
we have to be in charge of everything
·
we’re
the only one who will do it right. That mentality not only
· It
overloads you with work, it doesn’t give enough credit to your other family
members
·
it
prevents from learning skills that can lighten your load and make them feel
more capable.
o
Leaving
the kids with their grandfather for a Saturday morning while you have brunch
with friends.
o
Give
them a chance to feed, caregiving ability; the children will develop
independence, without mom hovering nearby all weekend.
o
At
work, delegate work with junior employee. Don’t be a perfectionist, have more
free time for yourself and will mentoring.
§ Life Is for Living
o
This
is your life, right now. Enjoy yourself with what you have to do.
· Don’t
fall into the trap , you’ll relax once you finished chores list – there will
always be something more to do.
·
Prioritize
and eliminate tasks that don’t absolutely have to get done.
·
Start
small.
Meditate/pray: wake
up
Five minutes deep breathing and visualization.
chedule a once-a-week
power walk during lunch.
on’t fill it with
errands. Instead, just breathe.
C. Time Management Tips for Moms
§ Time management is a big concern for mothers these
days.
o Kids’ activities, household responsibilities
o The demands of a stressful workplace, many mothers have given up on the fight to find time for
themselves and are just trying to get everything done. The following
§ Time management can be important tips can be used by busy moms
everywhere
o To take some of the stress out of life, and
o Create more time for fun times with children,
o Quality time with their partner, or even that
coveted and nearly forgotten alone time.
i. Be
Organized
o It can eliminate stress from forgotten appointments,
double-booking, lost homework, and many other stress traps that busy moms face.
o Focus on a few key areas of organization,
o Organized
with your schedule, with your house and with your discipline strategy is one of
the best time management tips
ii. Delegate!
o It’s tempting to cover all household
responsibilities yourself (to ensure that everything is done quickly and
correctly),
o Try putting some effort into getting men and children
to pitch in can really pay off in the long run.
o Break chores into simple tasks and reward people
for doing them.
iii. Multitask,
But Only When Appropriate
o Multitasking, getting twice as much done in a day
o Even though multitask usually completed as accurately, it got to be done
o A business calls while taking your daily walk
(don’t forget exercise as an important stress reliever), or quiz your kids on
test questions while you clean the kitchen.
o But if it is a burden than helped your chores, it’s time to
shelve the multitasking.
iv. Learn
When To Say No
o To say ‘no’ to people’s requests doesn’t make it an
easy one.
o Encounter many different worthy requests for their
time and attention, not to disappoint someone.
o By saying ‘yes’ too much, people also get
disappointed because we can’t do our best when we have many things to do.
o It’s important to look at your priorities and learn to say no to time demands that aren’t absolutely necessary.
v. Take
Shortcuts
o Remember here is to find the shortest route to
where you need to be (getting to the office, getting homework done, getting the
house clean),
o Fast food cooking, pre prepared foods :- pre-cut
vegetables, canned food , modern gadget ;- dishwasher
vi. Have
a Routine
o It can save mental energy and stress
o Having dinner menu, chore rotation scheduled routinely
o Your mind is free to focus on the rest of your day without thinking to plan these things each week and make you freed as well.
vii. Be
Flexible
o Scheduling is important but keep things flexible enough to accommodate the
unexpected things
o Sick kids, spilled milk and the occasional
meltdown.
o Having a rhythm for your day but a time cushion and
some backup plans can take the stress out of the unexpected, and keep one
schedule hiccup from throwing off your whole day (or week).
viii. Take
Care of Yourself
o
Taking care of
parental, relationship, household and workplace responsibilities is important but more priority
is taking care.
o
Self-care of physical
and emotional health is important. moms as well.
o
Tired or burn- out, cost
will be less productive and organized, translate into more time wasted to get
everything done that needs doing.
o
So get quality sleep,
eat a healthy diet ,
and follow other self care strategies for mothers, and you’ll be operating at your best -— and
less stressed.
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