Man : Blame Game (Blaming)

Universal Issue

   It must be acknowledged that the blaming game is a universal issue. Blaming each other for different things have been a trend and a way of life. In fact there is no anybody who has not blamed somebody in his life.

    Some people start to blame everyone around them as soon as anything bad happens. While the habit of blaming others is very common still there is no one common reason behind it but instead there are many different reasons that could make a person blame others.

Understanding these reasons is one of the things that will help you deal with people who blame others. By drawing their attention to the real reasons behind their behaviour most of them will realize they were wrong and will stop throwing the blame on others.

People blame others because of the following reasons:

1. Avoiding Fears

·         To avoid fears of a devastating to the person, blame is used as an excuse i.e. transferring the fears to others. Instead of being scared, they begin to scare others. The blaming and scaring others will come in abuses (physical and verbal) and sometimes even in forms of physical punishment.

            2.    Loss of control:

·         Some people panic when they lose control  of a situation and so they try to restore the sense of being in control by blaming others. So behind the act of blaming others fear might exist.

          3.    Exaggeration and anger

·         Exaggerating the scale and scope of the fear is another tactics used to blame. Fear of being severely punished gives, excuse to verbally or physically attack somebody who was supposed to be blamed.

·         The blamers do not stop at that but sometimes express uncontrollable anger. It can get out of hand and will turn into physical or violent attacks in trying to maintain their blaming attitude.

            4.    They learned it from their parents:

·   Some parents have failed to teach their children how to take responsibility for their actions and so they grew up as adults who blame others whenever something bad happens.

             5.    Submission and Obedience

·         Creating fear is to cause submission and obedience. People usually do not surrender easily. They become more aggressive and abusive when faced with resistance.  Using intimidations and other exploiting techniques to gain control of submissiveness.

6.    Refusing to admit that they are responsible:

·         Some people can’t admit failures and mistakes so they blame others for them in order to escape from the responsibility. One common example is saying "I was late because the streets were crowded" instead of admitting that you should have taken the traffic jam into account.

7.    Unable to accept what happened:

·         People blame others when they fail to accept something that happened. Had those people learned how to properly accept events  they would have never blamed others

How to stop blaming others?

 Your childhood & blaming others:

·      If you blame others for your problems then most probably you are still attached to the way you used to be as a child. Children always blame others because they haven’t yet learned how to be responsible for their actions.

Acceptance and blame:

·         Blaming others is usually an indication of the lack of ability to accept  and cope with different situations that occur. Learning how to accept things the right way will certainly help you stop blaming others.

§                                   Weakness & Blaming others:

·         The person who blames others is usually in the weak position and he tries to gain some power over the situation by blaming other people. If you want to stop blaming others then you should learn how to become in control of your life, how to be stronger and how to face different life problems.

§                                  Low Self Esteem

·         "Passing the buck" or blaming others usually suffers from a sense of worthlessness, or low self esteem.

§                                  Poor Parenting

·         Sometimes this may be a direct result of improper or negligent parenting. The need to nurture the child.

Actions

A. Childhood

i.     Blaming usually starts from childhood. The child is ignorance and lack of knowledge in implementing actions and when things go wrongs to escape punishment they immediately target others. The blame game starts here.

ii.     Due to their inability to handle difficult situation it and solve it, the child way out by blaming. This is the beginning of feeling of blaming syndrome.

iii.   As the children grow, training, educating and leaning become a process in life thus reducing the number of faults and blames. But the child has been drawn in the blaming syndrome.

iv.   But if the children do not learn the skills of doing and consequences of their actions (responsibility in life) they will continue to blame others for their mistakes. An act of self protecting themselves. The problem will persist with adulthood 

B. Adulthood

v  Adults will stay in the state mind of a child even when they get old.  Retaining some of our childhood behaviour in life. The Blamers game and syndrome. Mind need to be recondition to accept reality responsibly that the world is not perfect and imperfection exist.

v  Part of their brain needs to be reconditions to accept responsibility and therefore, accept wrongdoings. Developing the coping skill that mistakes are alright and need correcting actions. The act to be responsible for any actions irrespective right or wrong.

v  If this blaming action if not cautious can become a habit and a compulsory reactions. Character, attitude and personality need to be trained and educate positively to respond to faulty or problematic situation. Optimistic and competent skill need to be inculcated.

Success formula

§  A lot of energy, time and hard work to unwind this attitude.

§  Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

§  Blaming is like a kettle; it boils you and somebody else but you cannot make a cup of tea out of it.

§  Go through the experiences of other people. Identifying with the people they blame and feeling sorry for the pain and hurt they have felt for being blamed harshly.

§  Blamers like all other people need help and support.

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.   

Blame is the vehicle we use to park our guilt on someone else's drive