Man : Encourager (Father Role)

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity, he learns to be sorry for himself.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns what Justice is.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself.

If a child lives with friendliness, he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

Historically 
Traditionally, fathers act in a protective, supportive and responsibly towards their children. Involving and offering developmentally to their sons and daughters throughout their life cycle. Active father, play a role in reducing behavior and psychological problems in young men and women. A father–child involvement may help increase a child's social stability, educational achievement, and their potential to be solid as an adult. Arousing curiosity about the world around them and develop greater problem solving skills. The father figure does not always have to be a child's biological father and some children will have a biological father as well as a step- or nurturing father.

Devoted father A devoted father isn't one who is referred to as a "Disney-land dad". A truly good father isn't afraid to discipline his children. He needs to discipline them to educate the correct thing to do early in childhood. Weak fathers give in, and allow children to do whatever they want. Just because the children are happy and are able to push their father around, and claim to "love" their dad, does not make this a good fathering situation. A father needs to have authority over his children, as well as a sense of caring for their own well-being. A good father never accepts excuses from his children for behavior which is thought to have been inappropriate.
Role Model

      A father must also be a good role model for his children. It's important to be a good role model because children almost always look up to their father, and make decisions in the future based on how their father would have handled it. The worse role model a father is to his children, the more likely the children is likely to grow up and be poor role models for their own children, as well as for their selves.
          Positive Carer

·         Caring fathers are always proud of their children. Kids can't function without their acknowledgment of their parents being proud of their children. Children need this positive encouragement, and parents are there to provide this.

·         There are many duties a father can perform for their children, however, if you can't provide everything, just love your children and everything else will fall into place.

Changing roles for men as fathers

Economic Trends

The changing economic role of women has greatly impacted the role of fathers. Between 1948 and 2001, working age women employed or looking for work nearly doubled– 33 percent to more than 60 percent. The financial power made paternal financial support less necessary for some families. Declining fertility, increasing rates of divorce and remarriage, and childbirth outside of marriage have resulted in a transition from traditional to multiple undefined roles for many fathers. Today’s fathers have started to take on roles vastly different from fathers of previous generations.

Changes in Care- giving roles

Historically, mothers fulfill their children’s needs. However, in the last 20 to 30 years, research has increasingly focused on fathers. The growing role modern day fathers play in care-giving. A study found fathers tended to be more involved in care-giving when:

·         they worked fewer hours than other fathers;

·         they had positive psychological adjustment characteristics (e.g., high self esteem, lower
levels of depression and hostility, and coping well with the major tasks of adulthood);

·         mothers worked more hours than other mothers;

·         mothers reported greater marital intimacy; and

·         when children were boys.

Other research on the role of fathers suggests that the influence of father love on children's development is as great as the influence of a mother's love. Fatherly love helps children develop a sense of their place in the world, which helps their social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning. Moreover, children who receive more love from their fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioral or substance abuse problems.

Theoretical models of fatherhood have outlined four major tasks involved in “responsible fatherhood”:

·         providing financial support;

·         providing care;

·         providing emotional support; and

·         establishing legal paternity.

Non-residential fathers

Research on the impact of absent and non-residential fathers on the lives of children illuminates how crucial their role is. 

The status of the father's relationship with his child's mother serves an important influence on father involvement. Non-residential fathers are at high risk for becoming disconnected from their children over time. Lacking a minimally close relationship, as is the case when couples become acquaintances, is likely to result in lower levels of paternal engagement of children.

Stay-at-home fathers

A small proportion of “stay-at-home” father demonstrates a new type of patriarch who is primarily charged with care-giving in the context of his family. In fact, the number of stay-at-home dads is growing at a rapid pace, having increased by 50% between 2003 and 2006. For many fathers, the decision to stay home with their children stems from:

·         their spouse’s strong earning potential;

·         their own desire to serve as the primary caregiver; and

·         a shared reluctance along with their spouse to allow someone else to raise their children.

Stay-at-home fathers are routinely confronted with stigma due to their flouting of the social norms surrounding masculine behavior. Most of these fathers do not feel bound to these norms and are comfortable being affectionate and nurturing with their children, characteristics which are traditionally thought of as feminine. In addition, despite their increasing numbers their relative rarity can isolate them from other full-time parents. Some fathers report being shunned from playgroups and eyed suspiciously at the playground by stay-at-home mothers.

Psychological

Children’s Well-Being.

Children living in intact families tend to fare better on cognitive achievement and behavioral outcomes.

Children living with married biological fathers tended to have higher cognitive achievement and exhibit less behavioral problems compared to peers living with unmarried biological fathers, stepfathers, or mothers’ male cohabiting partners.

Psychological Well-Being.

a.    positively psychological well-being.

Adolescents who reported having closer relationships with their fathers tended to report lower levels of psychological distress (e.g., how often they feel sad, tense, lonely, excited, happy) compared to peers who reported being less close with their fathers, controlling for family structure, adolescents’ age, gender, race/ethnicity, family income, and relationships with their mothers.

b.    lower levels of behavioral problems.

The greater the fathers’ involvement in care, the lower the level of adolescents’ behavioral problems, 
a. both in terms of aggression and antisocial behavior and 
b. negative feelings such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. 

Fathers’ involvement and discussing important decisions with and listened to their adolescents, whether fathers knew who their adolescents were with when not at home, whether fathers missed events or activities that were important to their adolescents, along with adolescents’ reports of closeness to their fathers and whether their fathers spent sufficient time with them and how well they shared and communicated with one another.

c.    less likely be delinquent

A child who reported having more positive relationships with their fathers were less likely to be involved in inappropriate social activities compared to peers who reported having less positive relationships with their fathers. This was true taking into consideration the quality of adolescents’ relationships with their mothers, parental monitoring, mothers’ and fathers’ parenting styles, fathers’ biological status, parental education, parental employment, number of children in the family, whether family received public aid, adolescents’ age, gender, race/ethnicity, and school enrollment status. Further analyses showed that the protective effect of a positive father- child relationship appeared to be stronger for adolescent boys than girls as well as when fathers’ parenting style was characterized as “strict and not very or somewhat supportive” than when it was characterized as “strict and very supportive.”

d. attains higher levels of education.

Respondents whose fathers showed more involvement with them at age seven (more outings with fathers, more interest shown by fathers in their education) tended to have higher levels of educational attainment as young adults than peers whose fathers showed less involvement early on. This was true taking into consideration mothers’ involvement at age seven and a host of other factors, including respondents’ gender, birth weight, family socioeconomic status, parental education, family size, number of times family moved, parental involvement at age seven, and respondents’ behavior outcomes measured at age seven, their general ability measured at age 11, and their academic motivation measured at age 16.

Types of fathers

A study two sociologists conducted bring on some insight on the different types of fathers which shows how the father figure has changed over the years and what impact it has on families today. About 1500 interviews make out six different types of fathers.

1.  The facade father (25%)

“This type only has a very diffuse idea about how he wants to be a father. Questions concerning child- raising usually overstrain him and he has no adequate solutions to tackle problems of everyday life.  What you will discover behind the mask of the caring, predominant and diligent father is a man who feels rather helpless.” 

2.   Father on the margins (10%)

“This father really feels his dedication put into question by the mother. He is convinced that his partner has no trust in his educational competencies and according to his perception the mother would basically even like to exclude him from having any relationship to the child.

He feels criticized by his partner in the way he occupies himself with the child. In any case he also believes that the bond between mother and child is much more important for his partner than the relationship they share as a couple.”

3.   The father who is an equal (29%)

“These fathers feel cooperative, bond with the child, are patient and highly accepted by their partners. Fathers who are equals reject any kind of traditional stereotype and feel secure in their present role.

This father believes himself to be emotionally competent and likes to show a large amount of dedication. The quality of family relationships and the partnership are rated as exceptionally good by him.” 

4.   The patriarchic father (18%)

“Seeing his tasks as taking financial care of the family and thus lives completely in the sense of traditional behavioral roles. Child care and education are primarily the woman’s job, especially emotional love.

These fathers are – emotionally distant and shape their relationship to the child most likely to doing sportive activities together or sharing in technical interests.”

5.   The overstrained father. (13%)

“Insecure, irritated father feels very alienated about his role as a father. Usually he reacts impatiently and extremely when it comes to the child’s needs and reflecting the most problematic father-child-relationship of the study.

Indeed these fathers are an image of a newly defined fatherhood, but they often find themselves in a conflict situation with the traditional orientation of these fathers.”

6.   The father as a partner (6%)

“These fathers never made a conscious decision about having a family. But the paternity instinct changes their identity fundamentally which is why the cooperative father aligns his life to doing his kids justice.

The difference between him and the “father as an equal” is, that at the same time he insists on the male idea of role modeling as in former times when it comes to child education.”

The modern day father can contribute to his children’s health and well-being by maintaining a healthy relationship with the other parent even in cases of divorce; providing emotional and financial support, appropriate monitoring and discipline; and most importantly by remaining a permanent and loving presence in their lives.

Involvement

Fathers have a powerful influence on the healthy development of their daughters and sons.

• School-aged children show significant gains in intellectual development when their fathers are involved with them as infants.

• Involved fathers enrich their daughter’s and son’s self image.

• Children who have involved fathers show more sense of humor, longer attention spans, and more eagerness for learning.

• Father involvement helps teens to develop a strong sense of who they are and increases their ability to resist peer pressure.

Dads are role models who teach their children to be strong, flexible adults.

• Fathers teach gender roles: they are generally more physically active with their sons and more protective of their daughters.

• Fathers often think “out of the box” and offer alternative strategies for problem solving.

• Dads tend to offer more physical play than mothers, which increases the physical competency of their young children.

• When fathers model behaviors that are respectful to women, their sons are more likely to model their father’s respectful behavior as well.

Mistakes Fathers Make

Actively Involved

·          Not being actively involved from the beginning (birth). Holding, carrying children your child. Change her diapers. You can’t expect to develop a bond between yourself and your child if you don’t make the effort to create it.

Distancing Yourself

·         Distancing yourself from the child as they grows older. Child will change into adolescent They change physically. It’s a fact of life, get used to it. Yes, puberty is uncomfortable for everyone involved, but denying it or ignoring it – or worse, ignoring her - just makes things worse. Be a lot more helpful to the adolescent kid in truth, there are many ways that fathers demonstrate distance from their child.

Physical Contact

·         Having little to no physical contact. The idea that hugging, kissing, or having any other positive physical contact with your child is “wrong” or “not manly” is absolutely ridiculous. Not only that, but it’s extremely harmful to your child’s development as they grows older. Whether they are five or fifteen years old, both of you should be comfortable enough to turn to each other for a hug (that lasts longer than five seconds) at any time.

Emotional communication

·         Little to no emotional communication. “Pass the salt” does not qualify as real communication. Make an effort to be involved in your child’s everyday life, whether it has to do with school and friends or just how they are feeling on any given day. Building this bond will create a feeling of security and trust, and your child should be able to turn to you for help at times of emotional hurt and conflict.

Expressing Pride

·         Not expressing pride in your child.  Children crave their father’s praise and approval. Nothing can thrill a child more than knowing that her father sees his own good qualities in them that is really and truly proud of their accomplishments.

Tips

1.   Spend time with your children.

·         It’s important to be there for your children important events in their lives. But it’s even more important to be there for everyday things — such as dinner every night, and the weekends, and every moment in-between. Quality time is more important than sharing TV time, but any time is better than very little.

·         Somebody once said that showing up is 80 percent of life. It’s probably just as true for parenting. If you’re there and spending time with them, they’ll remember and appreciate it. If, on the other hand, you always seem too busy for your children, they will feel neglected no matter what you say.

2.   Be a role model.

·         Fathers are role models whether they realize it or not. A girl with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect. Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility, and responsibility.

3.   Eat or cook together as a family.

·         Sharing a meal together has been an important part of healthy family life since the beginning of time. It remains an important idea even in this modern, technological age.  It gives children the chance to talk about what they are doing in their lives and in school, making it an excellent time for fathers to listen and give advice.

·         In this day and age, moms aren’t the only ones doing the cooking. Fathers can take to the kitchen and share cooking time with their children, just as moms have done for centuries.

4.   Don’t be afraid to show affection.

·         Sometimes dads learn from their own upbringing that showing affection isn’t a part of being a man. That’s both sad and wrong.

·         Yet sometimes a man still has difficulty showing outward affection to their loved ones — even to their children. Children need the security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted, and loved by their family. Showing affection every day — even a quick hug, pat on the back, or kiss on the cheek — is the best way to let your children know that you love them.

5.   Respect your children’s mother.

·         Regardless of a relationship with the child’s mother, it’s important to show them the same kind of respect you should any other adult. Children pick up on far more than we think about relationships — especially between their parents.

·         When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected. Your relationship with their mother is the model for all future romantic relationships for the child. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be respectful.

6.   Set fair rules, and discipline with love and restraint.

·         One fault of modern parenting is the lack of clear boundaries between many parents and their children, along with an accompanying set of clear rules, and timely, fair discipline. Children are not simply miniature adults who can be reasoned with in a rational manner. That’s why they (and you) will appreciate clear rules and fair discipline.

·         All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits and help children learn from natural or logical consequences. Fathers who discipline in a calm, fair, and nonviolent manner show their love.

7.   Be a kind, patient teacher.

·         Children need good teachers and nobody is a better teacher than you. Teaching comes in all forms — not just helping your child with their homework. Begin talking with your kids when they are very young and talk to them about all kinds of things. Listen to their ideas and problems.

·         A father who teaches his children about right and wrong and encourages them to do their best will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to teach the basic lessons of life.

8.   Read to your children.

·         Children thrive on their imaginations, and nothing reaches their imagination more than a book. Begin reading to your children when they are very young. Instilling a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of interest in their imagination, leading to increased personal and career growth.

Excerpt and extract with thanks from:

Why Fathers Count: The Importance of Fathers and Their Involvement with Children (Men’s Studies Press). Sean E. Brotherson and Joseph M. White

Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.
httpp://fcs.tamu.edu/families/parenting/fathering
John M. Grohol, PsyD

Dr. Charles Curran