Man : Partners For Life (Spouse)

A spouse is generally a partner in a marriage , is either a husband, a male partner, a wife, female partner, a partner in a civil union,  a domestic partnership  or common-law marriage. 

It is gender-neutral, and useful for

o  Describing rights, duties,

o  Obligations of either partner in the marriage, irrespective of gender.

o  The legal status of a spouse,

o   and the specific rights and obligations associated with that status, varies by religion, region and culture.

A.   OBLIGATIONS AND EXPECTATIONS

The wedding planning and excitement is over, soon you will be settling in to married life . Having the perfect marriage  is a mix of compromise and honesty, not subservient behavior.

          i.     Be Honest

§ Be yourself from    the start of any relationship. 

  Be yourself from day one, and your spouse and proof that you are accepted and loved for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be.

§  Give benefit of any doubts.

·      Based your relationship on trust. Don't assume. Let your spouse know about things that bother you and make adjustments and corrections.

§  Take a class together.

·      Spend time together and see how to learn from each other.

·      Cooking, music or gardening lessons.

    ii.     Communicate

§  Exercise sense of humor.

·      A good, sense of humor is great for marriage. Seeing humor in difficult situations, for better or worse.

§  Ask yourself what you can do today to make your spouse's life happier.

·      Find a way each day to make your partner's life. It's a good habit.

§  Exercise together.

·      Exercise together for a healthy marriage life.

·      Go on a walk together.

§  Plan for down times.

·      Plan a budget, accumulate at least a small savings account, and prepare for the times when things go wrong, life will be much smoother.

  iii.   Don't brush your husband/wife off.

§ Forgive, forgive, forgive  .

·      The three most important words.

• Let little annoyances go.

·      If something is really bothering you, talk about it in a non-accusatory way, and see if you can work it out without arguing.

• Complement.

·      Start complimenting them and make it a point to be nice. Cold shouldering or constant arguing is contentious. Have a feeling of complementing!

·      Complimenting and gratitude will boost the person you love and you'll feel good doing it

  iv.   Respect

§  Don’t expect perfection.

·      Your spouse is human, and so are you. Make allowances: tired, overworked, over-stressed, family illnesses, personal illnesses, and simple frailty.

§  Learn from your mistakes.

·      Apologizing and then repeating the behavior erodes trust over time. Meant it when you say "I'm Sorry”.

§  Keep no secrets, and appearance of any hanky panky.

·      Being transparent, clear and open prevents suspicion and jealousy. Maintain a clean, open appearance, open communication with your partner, trust will bloom.

    v.   Be Romantic

§  Make time for togetherness

·      Before bed, talk, cuddle  and share each other’s company.

§  An outing at least once a month

·         Plan a special evening out with another married couple so you can laugh and learn from each other’s relationship.

·      Have at least one romantic night out per month and bring the romance home with you!

§  Kiss and respect your spouse in the morning and before going to bed at night.

  vi.   Always Be Available

§  Remember that marriage is a nuts and bolts arrangement.

·      Marriage is not all about your feelings. It's about your commitment to one another. It's about teamwork and getting the job done every single day.

§  Appreciate your partner's strengths as well as their weaknesses.

·      Be supportive for your partner weakness and be proud of their strength.

§  Take turns making decisions.

·      Asks you for opinion and make decision together.

vii.   Be Responsible

§  Share responsibility.

·      Remember, you will be living together forever (till death do you part. Try to find a mix of jobs you both do better, e.g. dishes and lawn mowing, and share responsibility.).

§  Act like everything's okay.

·      If you're having a rough patch, put one foot in front of the other, and act like nothing's wrong, eventually, everything really will be normal, okay, and even better.

§  Don't be afraid to go to bed angry.

·      Instead of continuing an argument: stop, rest, and wake refreshed in the morning. Let it go - get some rest. You'll both feel better in the morning.

§  Do listen!

·      Do more learning with your mouth closed and your mind open. You have one mouth and two ears so you can listen twice as much as you talk.

§  Argue softly.

·      Remain calm and speak in a normal tone of voice and traced what have you said.

·      Before you speak ask yourself this: “if you or your spouse died that moment, would you want what you are about to say to be the last words you shared?”

B.    PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE

After having children, some couples find that the closeness they once had begins to fade. Here's how to avoid that predicament.

• Make your marriage a priority

·         In public, ALWAYS support your spouse. Continue to create intimacy and trust if is lacking.

·         Never take the side of the kids against your spouse, even if they are wrong.

·         If you disagree with each other, discuss it in private.

• Take pride in your appearance.

·         Look attractive for your mate.

·         Don't buy into the lie , "let yourself go".

• Give compliments.

·         Make sure you let spouse know that  are still attractive/handsome to you.

·         Show admiration and appreciation of spouse hard work in supporting and protecting the family.

• Maintain physical contact.

·         Always kiss and hug  as much as possible..

• Plan a regular date night

·         Rekindle activities that both of you will enjoy, or try something new.

• Communicate.

·         Make time every day to discuss what's happening in your lives. Discuss.

• Have interests outside of the marriage, like a hobby or club.

·         Have a time apart as people need space.

·         Balance the time you spend together with the time you spend as a family, and the time you spend apart.

• Don't nag each other.

·         Nagging happens when our expectations are not met. Try communicating better through discussion.

·         Ask him to do something, instead of demand that he do it.

• Show respect.

·         Never berate your mate in public, in front of family, your children, or anyone else.

·          If you have a problem, discuss it privately and rationally. Yelling and pointing out faults only drives a person away.

• Keep up with the little things.

·         They are what matter most. Flowers,  shoes, clothing, etc., for her and a favorite meal,  game etc., for him as a surprise.

• Be Romantic.

·         Be attentive and romantic with one another. Candles, flowers, massage oil, satin sheets, surprise gifts,  filling up her car with gas, movie and dinner... these are essential in keeping things running as smoothly as possible.

C.    FINANCE IN MARRRIAGE

Since marriage is a joint venture it should be treated as such. Just like a business merger, both parties should be open an honest with what they bring to the table. If you have serious debt, be sure let your partner know about it so you can deal with it together.

• When discussing your finances  you will need to discuss both income and expenses.
• Open a joint checking account that will be used to pay the household bills.

·         If you have direct deposit, you both should put a proportional amount into the account each pay cycle.

·         This ensures that the one that makes less money feels like they are contributing their fair share.

• List both of your monthly expenses on a sheet of paper.

·         You each should then proportionately contribute just a little bit more than what is needed to cover your expenses into your joint checking account.

• Additional credit card

·         Add  a credit card to your spouse for household expenses

·         Establish a good line of credit.

·         This way, you can track your spending and see where you can reduce your expenses if necessary.

·         The wedding is over and so is the excitement of planning the wedding. Soon you will be settling in to married life.  Having the perfect marriage  is a mix of compromise and honesty, not subservient behavior. Be sure to account for groceries, gas, rent, utilities, clothes, tuition, vacation money, emergency money and potential medical expenses.

·         You should always have 2 times your monthly salary in savings at all times for emergencies.

Husbands and wives live together 
but make sure you spend enough quality time together. 
This means laughing, talking, just having fun together.

Avoid arguments in your relationship. 

Disagreement is healthy in small doses. 

Communication and your relationship is important, 

than what you are disagreeing over

A bit of money; begin squirreling away whatever you can.