Man : Overzealous Mothers (Overprotective Mothers)

Overzealous mothers  is simply playing the only role she knows, whereas, she doesn't see it as being bossy or treating you like a child, she sees it as doing what all good Mothers do, nurture, love, encourage (give advice whether needed or not), this is all she knows.

Possible explanations for what looks like controlling behavior

             §  Maybe she is lonesome

o   and can’t admit it to herself.

              §  Maybe she is grieving.

              §  Maybe she has an anxiety disorder.

o   People with social phobia are fearful of being judged by others or fearful that they will embarrass themselves in some way if they are among people who don’t know them well.

              §  Maybe she really is sick

o   but either doesn’t want to face it herself or doesn’t want to burden you. You don’t see her every minute of every day.

              §  Maybe she is pointing out things that you don’t want to admit might be true.

o   Having been the guardian of your emotional and physical health for a couple of decades, she may not be able to give it up just because you are a grownup. (Even grownups can be unwise.)

              §  Or maybe she really is the problem.

o   Of course, there is the possibility that she has an untreated personality disorder. In such cases, “controlling” may be an appropriate word.

   Analysis is Key to Understanding

• ·         Analyse the Situation

o   Good analysis of the situation is a key to knowing how to handle the situation. One size doesn’t fit all.

• ·         Don’t Make assumption

o   Stop labelling. Start analyzing.

• ·         Retrospect

o   Take a huge step back and think about what your mother may be dealing with.

• ·         See Overall Picture

o   There may be more hints than you’ve allowed yourself to see.

• ·         Survey Her Life

o   Reflect on what goes on in her typical day.

• ·         Hidden Agenda

o   Are there some legitimate needs being masked by what looks like demanding behavior?

• ·         Action

o   If so, compassion and action are more appropriate than annoyance.

  

What to Do About Your Controlling Mother

• Give up your “guilt.”

§  Don’t feel guilty. It’s easier to blame than take responsibility for our own feelings and actions.

• Give up the anger.

§   It only makes you feel bad. Way of distancing from any responsibility.

 

• Take action.

§  Have a clear discussion with your mom, love her and her needs. If she is unable to be frank, make some guesses, as kindly as you know how.

§  If she needs a social outlet, talk about what resources are available in your community.

§  If she is aging and less able to manage a big house or chores, be sympathetic and figure out how to handle this new reality together.

§  If she needs help with another family member, see she has some time off. Caregivers need respite and care.

§  If she has been grieving for way too long or if she is losing people she cares about to terminal illness, suggest that she see either her spiritual leader or a therapist, be supportive adult child.

§  If she is the one who is ill, understand that feeling sick or being in chronic pain makes people irritable.

§  If you believe your mom has an anxiety disorder, deal with it directly. Sympathize instead of criticize. Talk to her about the possibility of some medication and therapy to help her with this long-standing problem.

•  Look at your part.

§  Be willing to look at whether you may be overreacting to anything that looks like control.

§  Expressing her opinion and you are taking it in as a harsh judgment.

• If she really is mentally ill or just plain mean.

•  Quit trying to change her.

§  She got to be who she is for reasons that are now too long ago or too complicated to untangle without her cooperation. you can’t expect to change her.

• Be clear in your own mind what you will and won’t do.

§  Understand what fit her life not yours. Make sure that you honor your own needs as well as hers.

•  Draw some boundaries around what you will and won’t discuss with her.

§  There’s no need to be angry if you’re clear. Simply tell her that the topic is off limits and change the subject.

•  Look for cooperation from the rest of the family.

§  Need the agreement of whole family that you aren’t going to bad-mouth each other and change the subject.

• Build your own support system.

§  Not everyone gets the mother they deserve,

o  good friends,

o  a romantic partner,

o  meaningful work, and

o  a spiritual life can give you what you need.

o   

§  Focus on developing these resources in your life and you’ll be less dependent on getting emotionally fed from a mother who doesn’t have it in her to give.

Tools Needed

• Patience
• Compassion
• Determination
• Inner strength

You are Bless with One Maternity Mother. Cherished it. If it is lost, there is no replacement.