Man : Up (Arrogance Attitude)

What is arrogance?

Arrogance means “bigging yourself up”—whether publicly or just inside your own mind. Often it involves knocking others down at the same time.

Definition of Arrogance

: an attitude of superiority manifested in an over

: unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or know more than, other people:

: a type of extreme or foolish pride  in which someone feels much superior to another

It is generally defined as:

            a.    the act or habit of making undue claims in an overbearing manner;

           b.    that species of pride which consists in exorbitant claims of rank, dignity, estimation, or  power, or which exalts the worth or importance of the person to an undue degree;

           c.    proud contempt of others.

Other names for arrogance are: egotism, conceit, grandiosity, and self-importance.

Ancient Greek literature refers to hubris, a form of arrogance in which a person thinks himself to be higher in status than other ordinary mortals. In other words, a god.

Arrogance is a defense mechanism used by the subconscious mind in order to prevent further criticism. An arrogant person believes him or herself to be above others. This feeling can lead a person away from empathy and a sense that others have the same kind and quality of emotional experiences that he or she does.

Components of arrogance

Like all chief features, arrogance involves the following components:

Early negative experiences

i.              Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others

ii.            A constant fear and sense of insecurity

iii.           A maladaptive strategy to protect the self

iv.           A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood

Early Negative Experiences

In the case of arrogance, the early negative experiences typically consist of disapproval or outright criticism from significant others, especially the parents but also siblings and others.

All infants are born with a natural desire for love, care and attention. Ideally, these are readily available and given unconditionally. Generally, though, life is imperfect and young children experience some degree of harshness or deprivation in their upbringing.

An infant believes the world revolves around him. It’s all about me. This is quite normal, and the average child will move beyond that stage by recognizing that they are a part of a family, that there are others in the world, and that it is better to consider what others want rather than be completely self-centered.

In some cases, though, a child can get stuck in needing to put me first. Sometimes, a child’s ability to receive love, care, attention, etc. has to be competed for and is conditional upon her being a certain way and/or not being some other way. Alternatively, she may receive equal measures of love and antagonism, or care and neglect, or attention and abandonment. She will then want to figure out which aspects of herself trigger which reactions.

Perhaps the most typical scenario is one of sibling rivalry, where the children must compete for the parents’ attention, approval and affection. Children in this kind of set-up soon realise that the rewards and punishments given out by their parents are a direct result of how the parents perceive their children—and those perceptions can be manipulated.

The way to compete, then, is to manipulate the parents’ perceptions by highlighting or exaggerating the other kids’ faults while apparently being “the good one”.

All of this, of course, is a very common childhood experience—which is why arrogance is a very common character flaw.

Misconceptions

From such experiences of competition, disapproval and conditional love, the child comes to perceive her well-being as dependent upon others’ perceptions:

My well-being in life depends upon how others see me.

Fear

As a result of this misconception, the child becomes gripped by an entrenched fear of her vulnerability to negative perceptions—

Being vulnerable to any kind of criticism or disapproval is bad for me.

Any perceived weakness, failing or imperfection in me is contemptible and unacceptable.

If I show any of my real weaknesses, failings or imperfections, it could be disastrous.

Hence, showing vulnerability in the eyes of others becomes unacceptable and frightening.

Strategy

The basic strategy for coping with this fear of vulnerability to others’ perceptions is to manipulate others’ perceptions—to ensure that there is never anything for them to disapprove of or criticise.

I must draw attention only to my winning qualities.

I must never show my real self, which I know to be imperfect and weak and flawed.

I must always appear to be “better” in some way than my rivals.

Typically this involves:

          a.    drawing attention to and exaggerating one’s own strengths, successes and specialness while diminishing, hiding and denying one’s own weaknesses, failings;

         b.    drawing attention to and exaggerating others’ weaknesses, failings and ordinariness while diminishing, hiding and denying their strengths, successes and specialness.

The most primitive form of this is blatant, shameless boastfulness combined with outright derision of others to their faces. “I’m better than you, so there.” The individual hopes that if she says it often enough the world will just agree and there will be no more competition. This is impossible, of course.

Persona

It is unacceptable to be too obviously arrogant and manipulative in most adult settings. Just going around bragging is “against the rules” in most social circles — though a number of rap artists make a good living out of expressing this form of arrogance.

 A more subtle form of the arrogance strategy is to point to evidence which, hopefully, will lead others to reach the right conclusion by themselves. Hence the chief feature of arrogance puts on a mask which quietly says to the world, “I’m not being arrogant. I’m not saying I’m better than you. It’s just that…” Arrogance keeps up the same message, typically by telling true stories which indirectly convey yet more evidence of one’s own specialness and wonderfulness. “I’ve had such a hard day! Silly people won’t stop calling me just to say how much they like my new book.”

There is no better lie than a lie based on truth. The mask of arrogance likes to surround itself with “truths” which reinforce the image of invulnerability.

And if the individual should find himself in an actual position of superior status or power, the chief feature goes to town. In his book The Hubris Syndrome: Bush, Blair and the Intoxication of Power the British politician David Owen argues that President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair developed a “Hubristic Syndrome” while in power, particularly in their handling of the Iraq War.

All people are capable of this kind of behaviour. When it dominates the personality, however, one is said to have a chief feature of arrogance.

How to detect arrogance

A.   Pay attention to their conversations.

      Listen to them.

i.      Arrogance is often a reflection of limited life experience, and feeling "I am the Best". They tend to generalize from their limited, narrow life experiences and try to impose their small worldview on others.

ii.    Achievements or lifestyle can cause another person to feel smug or arrogant about something they think they do better than you or own/have that you don't.

iii.     An extremely strong need to look good. When you make them look bad- even if it is the slightest offense- they will usually be very mad at you -their appearance, intelligence, athletic abilities, or anything else relating to their self-image.

B.    Challenge their worldview.

Be skeptical and curious. If they get upset, gauge their anger.

i.      Arrogant people counteract this by creating an atmosphere that centers around the, and get angry if they're reminded of the real world 

ii.    Ambiguity frightens arrogant people because it suggests imperfection, change and lack of certainty (realities we all must contend with as best we can). Seeks to control everything and everyone, which of course, is an impossible mission.

iii.   Less likely than other people to self-reflect or analyze, thereby not seeing their own imperfections. They may also give themselves undue credit for positive achievements instead of acknowledging the input of others or of circumstances.

C.    Learn the quality of their friendships.

i. Nosy or gossipy, very hard to be a truly good friend. Prideful people have a strong need to look good, and being self-sufficient is an effective way to do that.

Ii. Since being a good friend to someone usually means helping them, they often can't stand the thought of a good friendship.

iii. Often don't have any reliable and supportive friends.

D.   How do they treat those not like themselves?

i. Inherently negative, then they're either over-zealous, ignorant of other people or what to avoid those that contradict their fantasy land that caters to them and them only.

ii. Many times prideful people have a serious 'my-way's-the-only-way' attitude. This is simply a protective mechanism for their false image or their fantasy land.

E.    What's their personality like?

i. Take a note of how they act, talk, and use their social status. That is their personality, snobbish, cruel, over-zealous and unsupportive.

ii. Many arrogant people have a false charm . Happy to show their cruel side to those that they don't like.

iii.When they are cruel, their friends will usually ignore it or not do anything to stop it since they're afraid that they'll be treated badly by their 'friend.'

F.    Mention people you know that they don't like.

Gauge their rivalries, annoyances and enmities.

i.     They don't like threats to their perfect little world.

ii.   The more they hate someone, the more dangerous that person is to their fantasy land. And in turn, the bigger the threat, the harsher the criticism.

G.   Ask around to see what they've been saying about you.

i.    Saying bad things about you may simply be that he doesn’t not like you. If they're nice to your face, but talk bad about you behind your back like it's their favorite hobby, then they probably have a problem with pride.

ii.  Often subconsciously know that they don't have any good friends. They compensate for this by creating the impression that they have a lot of friends- they have a 'quantity, not quality' mentality.

H.   Be compassionate.

i. Don't be judgmental and risk having negative outlook as they do. They are trying to hide certain vulnerabilities and fears.

ii. An enormous amount of vulnerability tends to hide behind arrogance. Growing up poor but later becomes rich; he or she may be snobbish about everything they can now afford because they are covering up the fear of poverty from the past

A summary of symptoms of arrogance

a.  intolerance of people different from themselves, b.   inability to see different points of view, c.   extremely harsh criticism of those they don't like, d.   inability to form long-lasting relationships, e.   and general narcissism.

Coping

i.   Being assertive and being arrogant

     Big difference between being assertive and being arrogant. The difference by looking for is  empathy.

     §   An assertive person will check for your responses and even ask questions,

      §  while an arrogant person will ignore your needs and you completely and will continue to lack respect for your perspective.

ii.   Not being arrogant

Make sure you're not being arrogant. If you are, tone it down and look at the situation objectively, or in a non-biased way.

iii.       Seek Professional help

If you do get involved with arrogant people, and are hurt by them, don't be afraid to seek help, professional or not. (Don't let that info get out, though.)

  iv.       Don’t Hate

Even though it's hard, don't hate arrogant people. They're trying to hide a painful past, an aspect of themselves they don't like, or have been seriously hurt by other people.

They could be hurt by the same things that have hurt you,

they're simply addressing their pain in the wrong (unhealthy) way.

Instead of resolving it, they're hiding it.

This pain can express itself as arrogance, among many other things.

   v.      Apologies

Have a very hard time giving and accepting apologies.

This is particularly true if you've questioned their fantasy land or have seriously questioned (or have seemed to question) their self-image.

   vi.        Warnings

 Leave or just ignore them and continue doing what you're doing.

§  What makes them madder than anything is ignoring them, giving into them is giving them the satisfaction of knowing they have gotten to you.

§  They are simply trying to inflate their ego, and insulting or arguing with them will inflate it a lot.

§  Leaving will too, but not nearly as much, all they want is attention, because they are insecure.

               vii.       Don’t React

§  No matter how much you might want to say something nasty to them, don't! It will do no good anyway. Arrogance is wrong.

§  Just give a quick answer and let them understand that you don't want them in your life, being assertive doesn't necessarily mean putting things into words; be on your look-out; be smarter than them.

 §  If they've back-stabbed you, point this out. No one–not even the arrogant person's best 'friends'- appreciate that behaviour.

           viii.      Venting  anger

§  If you have to vent about an arrogant person, do so only to your best friends who won't tell anyone else. If your anger becomes common knowledge, it will start a conflict.

§ There's a good chance that the prideful person won't understand why you don't like them. Just ignore their rude behaviour, and use a short and smart comeback if you must.

                ix   Don't attack

§  Don't actually attack their fantasy land. Instead, say something like "I don't agree with you on that" or "I have different opinions on this".

§  Instead of saying "Maybe if you'd get over yourself, you'd see things for what they are", try saying "What makes you say that?" or "Why do you hold that opinion?" This forces the person to answer a very direct, factual question.

    x.          Dangerous

One of the symptoms of any antisocial personality disorder is arrogance and disrespect for other people's rights.

This is a dangerous aspect of arrogant people; if you have to live with a person like this, seek advice.

This is why some arrogant people go on to become criminals.

Tips

Be courteous with all of your communications.

Try to understand different viewpoints

Fair weather friends aren't very reliable

Don't hate others simply because they differ from you.

Don't lose your cool easily

Pride always comes before a fall

Beware of backstabbing!

Excerpts and extracts taken with thanks from:

http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/chief-features/arrogance/

https://www.wikihow.com/Detect-Arrogant-People

https://www.2knowmyself.com/Arrogant_people_are_unsecure