Man : Alliance (Friendship)

Friendship

Friendship is a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other.

The value of friendship

The value of friendship may be expressed as:

a.    The tendency to desire what is best for the other

b.    Sympathy and empathy

c.    Honesty, even in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth

d.    Mutual understanding and compassion;

e.    ability to go to each other for emotional support

f.     Enjoyment of each other's company

g.    Trust in one another

h.   Positively strong, deep, close reciprocity, mutuality—equal give-and-take between the two parties

i.      The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgment.

Friendship development through childhood

At the early school age, friendships are based on the sharing of toys and objects and the enjoyment that is received from performing activities together. Friendships at this age are maintained through affection, sharing, and creative play time.

Sharing is hard for children at this age level as they are very self-oriented. However, children are likely to share more with someone they consider to be a friend than with someone who is just a peer.

As a child moves from early school age to middle childhood, they face the developmental task of friendship. At this stage in life, children become less individualized and more aware of others. They begin to see their friend’s point of view and have fun playing in groups of peers who have the same interests as them.

They also experience peer rejection as they move through the middle childhood years. It is important to teach a child that it is natural to sometimes be unaccepted by others but to remain positive about the friends they still have. Establishing good friendships at a young age helps a child to be better acclimated in society later on in their life

In a 1974 study, Bigelow and La Gaipa, in one of the first studies conducted regarding children's friendships, found that expectations of a best friend become increasingly complex as a child gets older. The study investigated the criteria for "best friend" in a sample of 480 children between the ages of six and fourteen years of age.

Their findings highlighted three stages of the development of friendship expectations.

i.           First stage: emphasized shared activities and the importance of geographical closeness.

ii.            Second stage: emphasized sharing, loyalty and commitment.

iii.    Third stage: revealed growing importance of similar attitudes, values and interests.

Study of friendships in adolescent development

A study was conducted by the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health where 9,234 American adolescents were examined to determine how their engagement in problem behavior (stealing, fighting, sexual activity, truancy) was related to the kinds of friends they had and to the peer networks and schools in which these friendships were located.

Findings revealed that adolescents were less likely to engage in problem behavior when their friends did well in school, participated in school activities, avoided drinking and had good mental health. Also, these positive characteristics are greater when done together within the social group.

How adolescents are affected by friendships could be shaped by their location in their group. For example, the one who is most central to their peer networks were the most influenced by their friends. Results also found that adolescents have less problematic behavior when they attended schools with similar characteristics to their friends (friends who did well at school at an academically rigorous school).

Ones that engaged in more problem behavior resulted from friends with opposing characteristics to the school (friends who drank at an academically rigorous school). Thus, whether adolescents were influenced by their friends to engage in problem behavior depended on how much they were exposed to these friends and whether they and their friendship groups "fit in" at school.

Adult Friendship

Anyone who’s ever made room for a big milestone of adult life–a job, a marriage, a move–has likely shoved a friendship to the side. After all, there is no contract locking us to the other person, as in marriage, and there are no blood bonds, as in family. Friendships are flexible. “We choose our friends, and our friends choose us,” says William K. Rawlins, Stocker Professor of Communication Studies at Ohio University. “That’s a really distinctive attribute of friendships.”

But modern life can become so busy that people forget to keep choosing each other. That’s when friendships fade, and there’s reason to believe it’s happening more than ever.

Loneliness is on the rise, and feeling lonely has been found to increase a person’s risk of dying early by 26%–and to be even worse for the body than obesity and air pollution. Loneliness wreaks health havoc in many ways, particularly because it removes the safety net of social support.

“When we perceive our world as threatening, that can be associated with an increase in heart rate and blood pressure,” says Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University and author of the recent study linking loneliness to mortality. Over time, she says, these effects can lead to hypertension, which increases risk for cardiovascular disease.

The antidote is simple: friendship. It helps protect the brain and body from stress, anxiety and depression. “Being around trusted others, in essence, signals safety and security,” says Holt-Lunstad.

A study last year found that friendships are especially beneficial later in life. Having supportive friends in old age was a stronger predictor of well-being than family ties–suggesting that the friends you pick may be at least as important as the family you’re born into.

Easy as the fix may sound, it can be difficult to keep and make friends as an adult. But research suggests that you only need between four and five close pals. If you’ve ever had a good one, you know what you’re looking for. “The expectations of friends, once you have a mature understanding of friendship, don’t really change across the life course,” Rawlins says. “People want their close friends to be someone they can talk to, someone they can depend upon and someone they enjoy.”

If you’re trying to replenish a dried-up friendship pool, start by looking inward. Think back to how you met some of your very favorite friends. Volunteering on a political campaign or in a favorite spin class? Playing in a band? “Friendships are always about something,” says Rawlins. Common passions help people bond at a personal level, and they bridge people of different ages and life experiences.

Whatever you’re into, someone else is too. Let your passion guide you toward people. Volunteer, for example, take a new course or join a committee at your local religious center. If you like yoga, start going to classes regularly. Fellow animal lovers tend to congregate. Using apps and social media–like Facebook to find a local book club–is also a good way to find simpatico folks.

Once you meet a potential future friend, then comes the scary part: inviting them to do something. “You do have to put yourself out there,” says Janice McCabe, associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College and a friendship researcher. “There’s a chance that the person will say no. But there’s also the chance they’ll say yes, and something really great could happen.”

The process takes time, and you may experience false starts. Not everyone will want to put in the effort necessary to be a good friend.

Which is reason enough to nurture the friendships you already have–even those than span many miles. Start by scheduling a weekly phone call. “It seems kind of funny to do that, because we often think about scheduling as tasks or work,” says McCabe. “But it’s easy, especially as an adult, to lose track of making time for a phone call.” When a friend reaches out to you, don’t forget to tell them how much it means to you.

It’s never too late to start being a better pal. The work you put into friendships–both new and old–will be well worth it for your health and happiness.

Types of friendships

Friends are people we know and trust, and who are special to us socially and emotionally. Friends are usually chosen among people who are considered the same as us. The people adults select as friends tend to be those who:

            ·         have grown up together

            ·         have similar occupations

            ·         have children the same age

            ·         have similar interests

            ·         are the same general age and the same gender

§  The Friend Who's Cooler Than You

Friends who are beacon of clarity and definite. People who help you to open your eyes, have a flow-on effect to other cool people and help to unstuck yourself from the rut of bogged life.

"These people enrich your life by exposing you to things that may have otherwise have passed you by," says Bertolucci.

§  The Friend Who Is Up For Anything

People are busy, we get it. But there's nothing more frustrating than having to reschedule your re-re-re-scheduled catch-up. Everyone needs a friend who you can call at the drop of a hat.

Frappuccino friend: It's refreshing, flexible, no frills friend who makes your life better. Nothing is ever too hard and they're open to doing new things and changing plans at short notice,” says Dr. Green. While Bertolucci agrees, "Their enthusiasm is contagious and you always have more fun when they are around."

§  The Friend Who You Aspire To Be

Oprah Winfrey: "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher". These people challenge you to be the best version of yourself. The only downside is that sometimes they can be infuriating and inspiring in equal measure.

Dr. Green's advice: "This friend is only an important role model if they behave in ways that are authentic and genuine. They will see the best in you and give you important feedback on both your strengths and weaknesses."

§  The Friend Who Doesn’t Know Any Of Your Other Friends

We are integrated person with multi-functional role. We like killing two birds with one stone by catching up with several groups of friends at once. But there are times when you need to make an S.O.S call to a friend who is completely uninvolved and removed from a situation who can offer objective advice so it a bonus that your friendship exists without orbiting around your other ones.

"There is a level of privacy to this friendship that doesn't exist in friendship circles,” says Bertolucci. “It will be easier to share some of your hopes and dreams, fears and concerns knowing that they are not going to be discussed when you're not around.”

§  The Friend Who's Painfully Honest

An honest friend will not always tell you what you want to hear, but they'll certainly tell you what you need to know like if he/she is really that into you. When you've got a crisis on your hands or need to make a quick decision they are your go-to. They're also there to keep you away from mixing paisleys and stripes.

This type of friend has the strength of "feedback" and "is a pearl who will tell it to you straight when others won't or will sugarcoat things at the very least," says Dr. Green. But she warns that this friend is someone who does it with good intentions and for your own benefit.

§  The Friend You’ve Known Longer Than You’ve Known Yourself

History. Sometimes it works to your advantage, other times it doesn't. This is that friend who sees you out of the context of your job, your relationship, your other friends and your life as it is now. This is the friend who knew you when you had pimples and a bowl cut.

There is something special about this person because they feel like home. It's nice and comforting to be around someone who has known you forever. "This is a friend you never have to put on a brave face for,” says Bertolucci. “They know you better than you know yourself and accept you unconditionally.”

Physical manifestations

Friends usually will engage in various forms of physical contact, at times spontaneous and other times of a ritualized nature. This is often used as an outward symbol of their friendship.

The form and context of the physical contact has varied historically, culturally, and developmentally. In the West, these manifestations, with the exception of the more formal ones, can be seen with greater frequency among young children and among female friends. In the East they are more equally distributed.

Types

       a.    Handshakes.

This is a more formalized type of contact, frequent among older individuals and only denoting feelings of friendship if emphasized.  

       b.    Holding hands

       c.    High five

       d.    Hugging

       e.    Two-armed hug

      f.     Pound hug this embraces, primarily used by young males, has become popular among Western subgroups because it expresses affection.

      g.    Walking arm-in-arm

      h.    Placing an arm over the other's shoulder or waist

      i.      Kissing

      j    Eskimo kissing

      k.    Imitation of fight (e.g. a punch on the shoulder, usually among males.)

The ways your friends affect your life

Change your beliefs	·    Beliefs can be changed if they were constantly challenged and if new beliefs were constantly repeated. Interacting with pessimistic friends will reprogram your view and beliefs. · Bombarded with pessimistic view will continues programming received from their friends in the form of suggestions that are repeated over and over.
Affect your self               confidence:	·         Friends alter the perception of each other, if the majority of a group thinks that a person is arrogant or snobbish then this belief will be transferred to the whole group. ·         Believing in the negative perception might be negatively interpreted will therefore affect your self confidence and esteem.
Affect your behavior:	·   Watching someone who is feeling afraid, anxious or helpless could teach you how to be like him!! ·   An experiment has shown that a monkey that never feared snakes started to fear them when it saw the anxious response of another monkey that feared them!!
Infect you with bad  emotions:	·         Facial and body language expressions of your friends can transfers their emotional states and to you. Your sad friend might make you feel sad and your depressed friend can let you become depressed on the long term

The Psychology of Friendship & Success

i.    True friendships never die

a.    They may appear to fade during periods of significant change--but remember this is a transitional stage in order for you need to grow.

b.    A true friendship will stand the test of time while you are adjusting to your new role in life.

c.    One's perception of who you should be and how you should act prevent you from making the necessary changes to make your dreams come true.

ii.  Reconnecting with your old friends

a.    True friendship will retain the roots of connection you together, such as being able to share your most intimate secrets or playing.

b.    The love will remain pure, but you will enjoy your time together as well as apart.

iii.   Share our personal, intimate, private business.

a.    Discussing the detail of our conversations with our lovers, intimate bodies within a few days of meeting.

b.    Biologically wired to share secrets and gossip and maintaining emotional acquaintance.

iv.     Loyalty, honesty, trust and favor

a.    Take time to develop in any relationship and friendship is no exception to the rule.

b.    Don't make the mistake of expecting too much too soon from a friendship. A shared interest in yoga, book club or salsa dancing does not mean that this person should be trusted with a key to your home or know the intimate details of your new romance. When you share personal information with the wrong person, you are giving them ammunition to make achieving your goals more difficult.

Interests that make you and your friend

"Friends"-- also has the potential to make you and your friend mortal enemies. Friends typically find the same type of guy attractive, enjoy the same taste in clothes and have similar career interests or capabilities. If you and your friend both apply for graduate school and your friend is accepted and you are rejected, this will have an impact on your friendship.

              i.      Unintentionally sabotage your success

Some people believe that if you want to your friend will support in every activities and role that you tend to develop. However the negative can sometime be achieved. Instead of encouraging friends can sometime discourage by suggesting other activities. They tend to use creative ways to distract you.

a.   Losing weight

b.   Studying

            c.   Relationship with other mate
ii. Uncomfortable in the friendship when roles change

If you are the ugly duckling, dumb or fat friend although the feeling awkward and still persist tom be your friend. If there is a reversal of role all of sudden you become the "pretty one", this change will have an impact on the friendship. A true friendship, your friend will adjust and your bond will grow even stronger.

Iii. Envious or jealous of your ambition and success.

Friendship may sour due to unconsciously unaware of insecurities or motives to destroy you and ultimately the friendship. On the road to success, you may unintentionally leave people behind. With time relationship and ties are tested and the need effort and true to the relationship and friendship. 

iv. Negative friends and family members

Friends from past negative old days such as drunkard, drug abused and broken hearted days need to be cut off.  It may hurts but friends of life that refuse to respect the person that you have now blossomed into need to cease. They are your past who will only want to talk about the good. Let go and find new faithful friends instead. 

Friendship will truly revealed the true you

People will always reveal their knife before they stab you in the back with it. Listen and pay close attention to what your friends say and do. If she is betraying another friend, this is an indicator that she will also betray you. It is very rare that we are surprised at someone's behavior. Be honest and true as “true friendship can only be achieved by the truth, sincere and trustworthy relationship deep from the heart.”

You are what your friends, buddies are

The people that you hang around will flavor you, a reflection of who you are and what you think about yourself.

If you surround yourself with people who are untrustworthy

this is because you feel you deserve their friendship. You must be a true friend to have a true friend. Know yourself.

If you aren't happy and confident with whom you are,

you will find it very difficult to find true friendship.

“A perfume will mask those around you perfume likewise a waste will emit around with foul aroma”

An honest, loyal, true friend is a person who is happy

They are happy with themselves, confident and possess

extremely high self-esteem.

They cherished and nourished happiness whenever and whatever they do. People who are living their dreams and

being true to their calling make the best friends.

Life will test your relationship

Life purpose on this world will be tested with isolation, jealousy, disagreement from you to other people in order to allow you to focus on your life's purpose. What may be perceived as jealousy or disagreements are really "spiritual events" that are used to remove social and emotional distractions from your life. In the purest and deepest spiritual sense, it is no one's fault when relationships dissolve. Your friend can no longer accompany you on your journey to success. They are not destined to go where you are going, but it doesn't mean that they were never meant to be a part of your life and who you ultimately become as a person. Always remain positive and wish them well.

Excerpt with thanks from:

Alison Stephenson

Wikipedia

 M. Farouk Radwan, MSc.

http://time.com/5159867/adult-friendships-loneliness/