Man : Lost (Lost Art of Communicating)

Lost Art of Communications

Communication is from the Latin verb communicare, which means ‘to share’ and in the Oxford Dictionary of English as “the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium”. 
Another definition “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs…something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted”. 

However communication is much more than the simple and impersonal dictionary definitions. All animal communicate, however humans have the specialty to developed and updated communication methods beyond those that come naturally to us. 
Speech, writing and drawing have been continually been developed through history, in conjunction with technology, engineering and science. The biggest change in communication has come about with the popularization of the internet.

Mankind’s ability to interact through seemingly countless modes of communication is accelerating at an unprecedented rate. As a result, the world is becoming smaller.

Ironically, as advances in telecommunications increase people’s ability to communicate, the quality and depth of their interaction is rapidly degenerating. This trend is true among the vast majority of young people who spend their lives “speaking” to each other through instant messaging, “grammarless” text messaging, and short comments on social networking sites, such as MySpace, Twitter and Face book.

Lost Art of Communication

Communication is the 
a.  art of transferring a message (to and from), where a person gives, 
b. another receives and consequently both of them end up receiving. 

Good communication requires great listeners and observations skills to ensure that the message is understood by all the parties involved.

This art is frequently misunderstood and misused as the message sent is misrepresented. Usually the importance and care of what we have to express instead of how and when it needs to be communicated. We concentrate on passing the message but rarely take the time to confirm whether it has reached the targeted audience, then instead of communicating, we are just stating.

To find someone who really listens is a gift from the Universe. Today one of the most challenging things is to be able to have authentic communication, where two or more people exchange ideas, thoughts, feelings, needs, etc, while paying attention to one another (through listening and observing).

Usually, when given the chance, 
i.   we burst into conversation mode, 
ii.  saying everything it comes through our mind, 
iii. taking advantage of the rare opportunity given to us to express ourselves. 

Focusing on letting everything out, that we forgetting the favor of providing others the chance to express themselves. Therefore we usually find ourselves battling with each other to gain control of the “monologue”. 
The one who raises their voice tone or shows more determination or enthusiasm will be the one doing the talking, while the other one will be pretending to be listening. In fact the other party is probably having a conversation on his/her own (probably discarding everything that is being said or maybe lost on his/her own issues).

During the “monologue” both parties consciously looking at each other and nodding in agreement every now and then, perceiving are really paying attention. Once the “conversation” is over, the one that did the talking will be feeling pleased to have found someone who has listened, and maybe for a moment (a very short one) will feel a bit guilty for not allowing the other one to express. So he/she promises: “Next time I will be the one listening!”

The one that did the “listening” is probably feeling dejected and confused. Most likely he/she will be saying to him/herself: “What on earth was he/she talking about? I can’t remember a thing, and what's more distressing is that I did not get a chance to say what I wanted to say! Next time I will be the one doing the talking!”

Our society has been blessed with all the tools to communicate, but as time passes by we communicate less and less. Sometimes, feeling lonely and on our own, despite all the friends, family and colleagues we have. Days when we want to do is to talk with someone, but realizing that there is nobody ready to listen or share with us a real conversation.

Is this related to the fact that from childhood our parents and the society rarely gave us the chance to express ourselves? (What we like or dislike, what we want, what we dream about and what do we think about anything). Perhaps that explains why we believe that we are communicating through monologues, where one talks and states, the other pretends to be listening and does whatever pleases.

Is the technology around us the one responsible? Are we spending so much time seating on our computers surfing Internet, watching TV and reading, that we forgot the Art of Communication?

Listening—A Valuable Tool

People have grown accustomed to focusing almost exclusively on themselves and be self centered. Expressing their own likes and dislikes—what they have done—what they want to do—or what physical objects they desire. Through online social networking, design their personal homepages primarily as a forum to express “who they are.” This inordinate focus on the “self” has greatly contributed to people’s inability to communicate effectively, since half of a conversation involves the other person.

In a world focused primarily on the getting on way of life that most do not understand that giving one’s time and practicing the art of listening is a great way to give. Being a good listener is actually self-serving: You will learn new things and form a bond with the person with whom you are speaking as you learn more details about his or her life. Listen and let the words of the person you are talking to “soak in.” Comment on what he or she is saying and ask questions.

We all are in self centered situations where, the conversation always seemed to turn back to the speaker. When talking, the only interest is in themselves. They focus entirely on what they want to say instead of sharing the conversation with the other person. This attitude is another way of being focused on the “self” and practicing the way of get. You can avoid this by listening intently and absorbing what the other person is saying. You may learn something new as well as increase your ability to conduct a meaningful conversation.

 

Replacing the Spoken Word

Long gone are the days when human talked face-to-face with each other. They now live in a world filled with chirping text message alerts and the constant interruption of their ringing or vibrating cell phones.

Based on a study by Disney Mobile and Harris Interactive, which tracked the cell phone habits of children and teens ages 10-17, 44% said that text messaging is their primary form of communication—ranked even ahead of talking!

During the summer, teens spend an average of 3 hours and 45 minutes per day talking and texting on their cell phones. They are often so dangerously preoccupied with the habit that almost 50% admitted to text messaging while driving and nearly two of three students acknowledge making calls and texting during class.

In public setting, human practically ignore each other to “communicate” with others on their cell phones, aimlessly chattering or quickly typing text messages. The home was once a place of refuge where families could talk and build strong bonds have long gone replace with modern talk and eroding face to face talk.

25% of teens admit to “routinely” text messaging at the dinner table and one quarter of children ages 10-11 own cell phones! Justifying parent sees this as necessary to stay in touch with them; only 4% of youth use their cell phones to talk to their parents on a regular basis.

In addition, 35 million (55%) children and teens through age 12 use social networking Internet sites, according to research by the United States Senate. Even while talking on their phones or texting, teens spend a staggering number of hours on these sites communicating through instant messaging and “comment” posts. Over half of America’s youth acknowledge talking to strangers frequently, via computers—replacing real friends with “e-friends.”

This empty communication is a waste of countless hours and robbing young people of the opportunity to interact with friends and family members in a meaningful way. Teens are wasting their adolescence building meaningless relationships and creating counterfeit friends through electronic devices rather than lasting relationships based on real-world experiences and verbal interaction.

     Cell phone gossiping, shallow messaging and endless social networking chatter, but there are positive steps you can take to enhance your ability to speak and carry on a productive conversation.

Psychology

Researchers found nearly four in five students had significant mental and physical distress, panic, confusion and extreme isolation when forced to unplug from technology for an entire day.

    They found college students at campuses across the globe admitted being “addicted” to modern technology such as mobile phones, laptops and television as well as social networking such as Face book and Twitter.

A “clear majority" of almost 1,000 university students, interviewed at 12 campuses in 10 countries, including Britain, America and China, were unable to voluntarily avoid their gadgets for one full day, they concluded.

The University of Maryland research described students’ thoughts in vivid detail, in which they admit to cravings, anxiety attacks and depression when forced to abstain from using media.

   One unnamed American college student told of their overwhelming cravings, which they confessed was similar to “itching like a crack head (crack cocaine addict)”.

The study, published by the university’s International Centre for Media & the Public Agenda (ICMPA) and the Salzburg Academy on Media & Global Change, concluded that “most students… failed to go the full 24 hours without media”.

Messaging affect performance and learning

Messaging today is a trend today whether in working or studying environment. Messaging has led things to poor spelling, and it definitely doesn’t help in the world of scholarly or working. The problem with messaging, it requires speed and, thus, choosing the shortest words possible. Texting and instant messaging have reduced language to its lowest common ebb and lots of functionality and meaning.

      There is concern that the capacity for more nuanced, grammatically correct writing due to the prevalence of text and instant messaging. As a result, often produce written work that is unclear, incomplete, inaccurate or unclear.

High school teachers have been increasingly concerned that young people are using “textspeak” in scholastic and professional situations. As one teacher wrote on an online forum discussion, “I have a hard time convincing my students that ‘b4’ and ‘u’ are not words that belong on a lab report.”

However, some high school teachers don’t believe texting is to blame. One high school teacher reported that her students’ socioeconomic and cultural background has much more of an influence on their speech and writing than how much they text message each day. Another teacher commented that language is shifting and innovating all the time, so the language of short message is just a natural progression.

Work relationships

In any profession and vocations involves effective communication and professional interactions with clients and other professional’s dealings. Technology has replaced real communication, leaving students at a disadvantage once they’re out in the workplace.

An article on pharmaceutical students, from the American Journal of Pharmaceutical Education School of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences, asks, “To what extent has technology caused us to lose the essential element in our colleges and schools of pharmacy that distinguishes professionals and promotes professional growth? Specifically, are we losing the one-on-one, face to face interactions that we seek to develop between pharmacists and patients as we lessen the number of opportunities students have to interact with each other and with their teachers.”

            Messaging and increased use of technology is lessening face time in school and thus young employees lack the “personal touch” needed for business interactions.

 “Textspeak”

There is a time and a place for this abbreviated communication. Teachers and parents should stress that young people need to learn the difference -- using slang and text messaging shorthand for their social interactions with peers, and proper structure, spelling, and grammar for papers, letters, reports, and business interactions.

Emails are a good example. An email to a coworker or a client cannot be written in the same tone or style as a quick email to a buddy. Young people may need additional help knowing the difference writing styles for informal and formal situations.

Parents can help enforce good spelling and grammar by encouraging their children to send handwritten notes and letters to family members and friends. Stress the importance of a personal note, as opposed to the informality of an email. You may want to buy your children personalized stationary or attractive note cards so they feel more inclined to handwrite letters, birthday cards, and thank you notes.

In business, writing skills are a top priority and poor writing costs business millions of dollars in lost revenue. Finding young people who can write error-free documents is a challenge. Investing in a corporate training program can be worthwhile. Programs like those can help an employer feel confident that his or her employees are communicating the correct message to the appropriate audience.

Companies can also create a style guide for their organization. Employees can then refer to it when communicating in reports, meetings, client interactions, emails, etc.

Another option is to have older employees serve as examples for younger employees during meetings and on email exchanges. Copy younger employees on client emails so they can observe the correct way to write a professional email. Include them in meetings and client interactions, so they can have an example of the proper ways to communicate. An older mentor can help young people understand that shorthand and textspeak are not professional means of communication, and, in turn, see live examples of what is appropriate.

Overcoming Barriers to Art of Communications

To increase your impact and influence, begin applying:

1.     Make moment counts.

a. Everyone has the right to speak. 
b. Listen before you speak. 
c. Earn the right to be heard. 
d. Think about what you want to say before you say it. 
e. Make every communication moment worth you and your listener’s time. 
f. Every word counts. Think before you speak. 
g. Tailor what you say to meet your listener’s needs.

2.     Pay attention by listening for the unspoken emotions.

i.    Concentrate on the speaker closely. 
ii.   Focus intently on their face. 
iii.  Do not let your eyes dart away and drift off, since that signals you are no longer paying attention. 
iv.  Do not interrupt. Wait to speak only when the person has finished what they want to say. 
v.  Hear their words and read their face so you gain maximum understanding of the why behind their words.

3.     Honor the other person’s time.

a.  Prepare and get to the point quickly by speaking in short and concise sentences. 
b.  Replace your non-words (“uh,” “um,” “so,” “you know…”) with a pause to find your thought. 
c.  Avoid rambling and cluttering your message with unnecessary points. 
d.  Ask for a clear and specific action. Don’t take 20 minutes when you only asked for 10.

4.      Prepare for your face-to-face meeting ahead of time.

K.N.O.W. your listener.

·   K:  What does your listener know about your topic?

·   N:  What does your listener need to know to take the action you want them to take in the time frame you have for this conversation?

·   O:  What is your listener’s opinion about your topic?

·   W:  Who is your listener? What additional information do you know about your listener to help you customize your message for them?

Tailor your agenda and message to achieve the understanding you need and to influence your listener to act on what you have to say.

5.     Watch your body language.

i.  Avoid non-verbal abuse. Every movement you make counts. 
ii. Control your facial expressions. Don’t smile, snicker, whistle, roll your eyes, grimace, look sideways, wink, or send the evil eye. 
iii. Your behavior and non-verbal cues are as important as the words you say. 
iv. Don’t fidget, act nervous, express fear, or allow your posture to convey uncertainty, insincerity, lack of caring, arrogance, overconfidence, dismay, or criticism.

6.     Be sincere and authentic.

Speak in your authentic voice. Be sincere, be genuine, and allow others to see the real you.

7.     Maintain the power of the floor.

Be interesting. Watch for the signs that you are no longer the center of attention:

·     Your listener begins working on their Blackberry, iPad, iPhone, etc.

·     Your listener starts nodding off.

·     Your listener begins to have side conversations.

·     Your listener interrupts you.

Stop. Earn their attention. Get back on track.

8.     Ask for feedback.

a. Face-to-face communications is a two-way street. 
b. Balanced feedback allows people to be relaxed and comfortable. 
c.  when people start feeling comfortable, they also may become lazy and lose their professionalism. d. Don’t forget who you are and what you are doing. 
e. Ask for specific feedback on things such as the points you raised, the manner in which you presented, the way you responded. 
f. Give yourself feedback by asking, “What worked and what didn’t work?”

The following are practices and measures from experts gathered around the net which may be useful to in dealing with gadget abuse or misuse.

• Adopt a German labor decree prohibiting employers from electronically contacting their staff outside of working hours.

•   Switch off computers, log off from social networks; note “the effect that time online has on your performance and relationships.”

•    Many tech firms integrate breaks, breathing exercises, or even meditation in their work routines.

•    Turn off phones at night or put it elsewhere other than bedroom.

•    Encourage children and teens to engage in real sports or play, other than online games.

•    Engage in real conversations; call often and limit texting.

•    Observe online and offline schedules.

•    Take tech breaks, take on a hobby, and connect with nature.

•    Have meals without the gadgets around; skip TV or computer before bedtime.

•    Implement house and vacation rules on gadgets; establish “no tech” zone or time.

•    Get involved in social and other group activities.

Remember, technological advances are borne out of our desire to make work easier and to enhance our lives; and not to be burdened with more work loads and lead to ruined relationships. They are merely tools to make us more productive, to make smart use of our time; so that we’ll have more of it for more essential things in life like family, friends, and taking care of oneself.

However, by taking action now you can recapture the lost art of conversation and build a skill sorely missing from today’s younger generation. Developing your verbal communication skills will build better friendships between you and other teens. But more importantly, it will prepare you for future success by strengthening your “word power”—a precious tool that will benefit you in future relationships, increase your attractiveness to potential employers, and provide a foundation for becoming a leader later in life.

Through the daily practice and mastery of the Art of Communication we pay attention to life, we live in the moment, we are in the now, we are one and all.

Excerpt and extract taken with thanks from:

Gabriela Abalo

Stacey Hanke

http://manilastandardtoday.com/2012/08/12/are-you-a-tech-or-gadget-junkie-disconnect-and-take-a-break/

http://rcg.org/youth/articles/0505-tlaoc.html

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the-lost-art-of-face-to-face-communication-8-steps-to-impact-and-influence