Man : My and Your Way (Divorce)

§  In this era of globalization, much attention had been paid to the danger of the disintegration of the family and its harmful consequences.

THE GROWTH OF DIVORCE IN MODERN LIFE 

§  In the past, problems involving divorces, causes and its harmful effects were far and few thus there no need for divorce.

§  The fact now, is that divorce has increased. 

o   The dilemma of social life has taken a big toll

o   Now there are more chances of the disruption of the family bond

o   The efforts of the intellectuals and public-spirited people have, so far, borne no fruit to decrease the effect of divorce.

o   The future of humanity in  danger.  

§  'Newsweek'  article, 'Divorce in America', writes that it is easier in America, to get a divorce than to get a taxi. 

§  The illusion of divorce concerned,

o   the newly-wed,

o   their mothers/fathers,

o   couple who were married a long time ago. 

§  Since the Second World War, on an average, the number of cases of divorce has not been less than 400,000 per year.

o   Out of this, 40% had remained intact for 10 years or more

o   13% for more than 20 years.

o   The average age of two million women divorces was 45 years.

o   Some 62% of them had children under 18 at the time of the dissolution of their marriages. 

§  Though humans feel quite free after divorce, the effect,  young or the middle- aged, are not a happy one :

o  The ever-increasing number appointment to the psychiatrists or have resort to alcoholism.

o    Out of every four divorcees, one is an alcoholic.

o   The average cases of suicide among are three times  among women having husbands.

o   In short as soon as a woman comes victorious out of a divorce court she realises that life after divorce is not a bed of roses. 

§  The modern Western ways have influence human, the figures of divorce have gone up. Even in the East, divorce is far more common in the modernised big cities than in the small towns and the countryside.  

THE DIVORCE-GENERATING ATMOSPHERE

§  Newsweek states that the Americans gives preference to merry-making over the stability of domestic life.

§   It is certain that this attitude is not natural and inherent.

•      In New York, many cinema halls which show only sexy films and display  nude pictures  of their entrances.
•       The titles of sexy fulfill the needs: "The men who swap their wives", "The girls who are immoral", 'The dress which does not hide anything". ~
•      Fiction books  bear a nude photo of a woman on their covers. Even the classical books are no exception. Such titles as "Sexual Behaviour of American Husbands", "Sexual Behaviour of a Man of the West", ' Sexual Behaviour of Young Men Below 20".,

§  In such an atmosphere,  human has lost its balance and  prefer to pleasure-seeking over faithfulness to spouse and family.

o   It is the social atmosphere which has struck at the very root of the sacred family system. 

THEORIES 

§  Now let us see whether, in principle, divorce is good or bad. 

§  In all, these are the theories in respect of divorce: 

a.    Free divorce without any legal or moral restriction.

·         Marriage only seeking pleasure;

o  attaching  no sanctity/spirituality to it

o  No consideration for social value of home and family.

·         The sooner the bonds of marriage are removed and replaced, second love is more pleasant.

·         The social value of the family been forgotten, delight and satisfaction, which the stability of a conjugal union affords, has been ignored.

·         The most puerile and immature. 

b.    Marriage is a sacred undertaking.

·         It is a union of hearts and souls which must be kept safe and intact.

    o   Divorce should be erased from the dictionary of human society.

    o   Woman and man marry each other accept the fact, except for death, nothing can separate them. 

•      This is the same theory, which for centuries has been advocated by Religious Authority, and is still being advocated. 

•      The supporters of this theory are on the decrease in the world.

  o   Men and women are raising their voices against this law and efforts are being made that the law of divorce should be officially recognised.

  o   Many people are no longer willing to continue to suffer the boredom of their unsuccessful marriages.  

·         Daily Express published an article, "Marriage in Italy Means Bondage for Woman".

o   Owing to the non-existence of divorce, many people in Italy have to resort to unlawful sexual relations.

o   More than five million Italians believed that their lives were nothing but sin. 

§  There is no doubt that marriage is a sacred bond and it should be lasting and durable.

•      But it can last only as long as both the spouses co-operate with each other.

c.     Marriage is dissoluble by man and not by woman.

•      An ancient view world held many people held such a view, but it hasn’t any supporters.

•       Marriage is a sacred institution and the domestic system is respectable,

   but the way to divorce, with certain conditions, 

   Should be open to both the spouses and the procedure of dissolving a marriage should be the same for both of them. 

·     

·         No doubt the marriage institution is sacred,

o   the domestic system is respectable,

o   Divorce  is an essential duty of society to remove the causes which lead to divorce, yet divorce cannot be totally banned and the way out of a deadlock must be kept open to both man and woman.

§  In our age divorce has become a world problem as all grumble and complain about it.

·         Those whose laws prohibit divorce totally complain of the non-existence of a way to escape from unsuccessful and unsuitable marriages.

·         On the other hand, those who have opened the door of divorce, equally for both man and woman, complain about the growing rate of divorce and the instability of domestic life, and its harmful effects.

NATURAL POSITION OF MAN IN THE DOMESTIC LIFE 

§  In fact, the success of the domestic life depends on the mutual attachment of both the husband and the wife.

•      Nature has so arranged that woman's true and lasting love comes up only as a reaction of man's attachment to her.

•      Woman's attachment to man is the result of man's attachment to her.

•        Nature has placed the key of their mutual love within the control of man.

•   If man loves woman and is faithful to her, woman also loves him and remains faithful to him. Woman's faithlessness is definitely a reaction of man's faithlessness. 

§  Nature has put the dissolution of marriage in the hands of man. 

•           It is man's apathy and faithlessness that cools down woman's love.On the other hand, woman's indifference and apathy does not affect man.
•       It is not insulting to him to compel his annoyed sweetheart by force of law, to continue to live with him, and to pacify her gradually. 
•      But it is unbearable for a wife to resort to the force of law to retain her protector and the object of her love.

VIEWS OF A LADY PSYCHOLOGIST 

§  Recently an article has been published by a French lady psychologist, Beatrice Maryo.

§  In this article she has explained very well how a pregnant or a nursing woman needs the kindness and affection of her husband. 

§  She says: "From the time a woman feels that she is going to be a mother soon, she begins to search her body.

·      She repeatedly looks at it and smells it, especially if she is expecting her first child. She feels so inquisitive as if she was a stranger to herself and wants to discover herself for the first time.

·       When she feels the first movements of her tiny little child in her womb, she begins to listen attentively to every sound of her body.

·       The presence of another being in her body makes her so happy that she feels inclined to seclusion and retirement. She wants to be alone with her tiny little child, who has not yet come into this world 

§  "Men, during the period of the pregnancy of their wives, have important duties to perform, but very regretfully they often shirk their responsibility.

·       The future mother is in need of the feeling that her husband understands her, likes her, and protects her.

·     Otherwise, when she finds that her belly has swollen up; her attractiveness has gone, the morning sickness has commenced, and she is afraid of childbirth pains, she would blame her husband, who had impregnated her, for all her troubles and discomforts.

·      It is the duty of the husband to keep himself, more than ever, at the side of his wife during the months of her pregnancy.

·    The whole family requires a kind and considerate father to whom the wife and the children may talk of their problems, their grief’s and their joys. Even if their talk be meaningless or boring, it is still important." 

§  "A pregnant woman very much wants others to talk to her of her child.

§  A woman takes all the pride in becoming a mother.

·         But when she finds that her husband is indifferent to the child, her sense of pride turns into a sense of contempt.

·       She becomes sick of motherhood and pregnancy, and it becomes a sort of shame to her. It is known that such women suffer a great deal on account of child-birth pangs.

·      The relation between mother and child is not a bilateral one. It is a trilateral relation: mother, child, and father. Even if the father is not present (as in the case of divorce), he has an important role in the internal life of the mother, that is in her thoughts and imagination, as well as in her sense of motherhood. 

§  This is what a lady intellectual, who is both a psychologist and a mother, has said.  

A STRUCTURE BUILT ON THE BASIS OF SENTIMENTS 

§  A woman depends so much on the sincerity, kindness and protection of her husband that without his earnest co-operation even a child has little sense for her.

·         She can endure the hardships of life only with his help.

§  Is it not ironical that, on one hand, we create an atmosphere in which men pay little attention to their wives and sow their wild oats elsewhere.

§  As a matter of policy, man himself should seek a woman and should like her. It does not want to thrust a woman on him. 

§  As a general rule, where there is a question of love, devotion and sincerity, there can be no question of legal compulsion.

•       If a husband dislikes his wife, it may be a matter of regret, but no force can be used to make him like her. 

§  The same is the case with the relationship between the voters and the candidate for election.

o   The people will vote for a candidate in whom they have confidence. If they do not elect a particular candidate, howsoever fit and suitable he may be, he cannot sue them. 

§  The domestic duty is exactly like the above-mentioned religious and social duties.

•      The family is a natural society, for the smooth running of which it has prescribed a particular procedure to be followed strictly. 

§  We are fully convinced that the Western world will gradually accept the principles and precepts regarding the family laws.

WHAT CONSOLIDATES THE FAMILY STRUCTURE IS MORE THAN EQUALITY 

§  The present day Western world is filled of 'equality', not knowing that the question of relationship between man and woman.

§  As far as the family system is concerned, there exists something higher than equality.

•       For civil society nature has laid down only the law of equality, but also for the domestic society.

•         Family relations cannot be organised on the basis of equality alone.

o  All other laws of nature, which govern these relations, should be recognised and adhered to.  
 

EQUALITY IN CORRUPTION 

§  Unfortunately the word 'equality' has been used so much and so often that it’s true sense has been blurred.

•     Equality means equality in rights and  cannot be applied everywhere indiscriminately.

•       It will be most ridiculous to say that everything has become all right, because in the past only men told lies to their wives and now women also tell lies to their husbands.

•       In the past it was men who betrayed their wives and indulged in adultery, and women were mostly faithful to their husbands, but today women also betray their husbands and no longer observe chastity.

•      In the past men often showed cruelty and callousness to their wives. They abandoned their wives and children and ran after mistresses. Now even mothers of several children, after having been married a long time ago, leave their homes to satisfy their lust, following a brief introduction to a stranger at a dance party.

§  That is how, instead of seeking the cure of the social ills and consolidating the family life,

•       We are weakening the domestic system and shaking its foundations.

•      Into the bargain, we are happy that we are advancing on the path of equality. If this situation continues, woman will soon surpass man in corruption, perversion and callousness. 

§  Now it is clear, though it considers divorce most hateful, has placed no legal bar on it. It is also clear how a thing which is permissible can, at the same time, be detestable and loathsome.  

THE NATURE OF DOMESTIC PEACE IS DIFFERENT FROM THAT OF OTHER KINDS OF PEACE 

§  There is no doubt that there should be peace and harmony between the husband and wife,

o   The peace and harmony which should prevail in conjugal life is very different from the peace which should exist between two colleagues, two partners, two neighbours and two neighbouring countries.

o   Peace and harmony in conjugal life is similar to the peace and harmony which should exist between the parents and the children.

o   It is equivalent to:

•       tolerance,

•        sacrifice,

•        interest in the destiny of one another,

•         breaking the barrier of duality and

•         sharing the happiness and grief of each other.

o   In contrast, peace and harmony between two colleagues, two partners, two neighbours or two neighbouring countries simply mean non-encroachment on the rights of each other. .

o   Should a third power intervene and set up a buffer zone between two countries to prevent a direct clash between their armed forces, peace is secured, for political peace means only non-aggression and no clash. 

§  But domestic peace is different from political peace.

o   Non-encroachment on the rights of each other is not enough. Armed peace is of no use.

o   What is required is the union of souls, which is something higher and more basic.

                        The peace and harmony between the parents and the children.   

o   In that case also something higher than non -aggression is necessary realising the importance of the sentiments.

o   They forget that the success of the domestic life depends on the complete disappearance of all borders. 

§  The Westernised people of the East, instead of taking pride in their own system and pointing out to the people of the West the defects and shortcomings of their (the Westerners') family system, are so absorbed in imitation that they are unable to distinguish between right and wrong. But it will not be too long before the East gets rid of the yoke of the West completely, rediscovers its own personality and learns self-reliance. Here it is necessary to mention two points. 

THE WIFE'S PREVIOUS SERVICE TO THE HOUSEHOLD 

§  The unchivalrous divorce, besides dissolving the sacred family life, creates other positive problems for the wife that they cannot be ignored.

o   Woman lives in the house of her husband for years,

·         takes his house to be her own 

·         sincerely works hard to build it up and give it a shape

·         cuts down the expenses on food and clothing,

·         hesitates to engage a servant to help her in the household work.

o   She sacrifices her youth, energy and health for the sake of her husband and her household.

o   Now, if the husband of such a woman, after years of a joint life,

·         wants to divorce her to marry another woman,

·   it will negate all the efforts and aspirations of his wife, but also wants to indulge in sexual pleasure at her expense. 

§  This is not simply a case of the dissolution of mental life. 

o   Every human being wants a home of his or her own and feels attached to the home built by his or her own hands.

o   If you try to turn a bird out of the nest it has built, it will certainly resist and defend itself. 

o   In our opinion, the problem is fully worth considering. In such cases, divorce not only means the dissolution of marriage, but also brings women to complete ruin. 

§  Most of the people oppune that all the fruits of woman's labour belong to her husband.

o   They even think that the husband can force his wife to work for him and she has to obey all his orders like a slave. This wrong notion is the root-cause of all the trouble.

o   Woman has full freedom as regards her work and activity. Whatever she earns belongs exclusively to her.

o   Divorce and separation should not cause her any anxiety in this respect.

·    All the things which she might have collected to build up her home belong to her and her husband has no right to seize them.

§  Another cause of the trouble is the exploitation of the faithfulness of woman by man.

o   Some women make sacrifices, not because they are unaware of the law, but because they are over confident of the sincerity of their husbands.

o   No question of 'my money and your money'. They do not care to take advantage of the opportunity given to them.

o   Suddenly disillusioned and find that having wasted their lives in making sacrifices for an unfaithful man and have lost the opportunity given to them by their religion. 

Conclusion

§  The family as a living unit, and endeavours to keep it alive. But if it dies, the verdict is that it should be buried. Not  to  be mummified and kept active artificially.