Man : Tall Story (Lying)

Lie

To lie is to deliver a false statement to another person which the speakers know it is not the whole truth, intentionally.

Everybody lies.  It may only be “white” lies, but everyone tells lies or “omits the truth” sometimes. We start lying at around age 4 to 5 when children gain an awareness of the use and power of language.  This first lying is not malicious, but rather to find out, or test, what can be manipulated in a child’s environment.  Eventually children begin to get use to lying to get out of trouble or get something they want.

 

White lies, concocted to protect someone’s feelings and compelled to lie about it be it a small and large inference and matters. These are pathological liars (which is a description, not a diagnosis).  They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment.  
Quite often the person who has been deceived knows that this type of liar and extent deluded to pitying them. A much more troubling group is those who lie a lot — and knowingly — for personal gain. These people may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder, also known as being a sociopath, and often get into scrapes with the law. Lying often gets worse with the passage of time.

What is a lie?

Lying is 
a. a form of deception, but not all forms of deception are lies.

b. is about giving information’s while believing it to be untrue, intending to deceive by doing so.

A lie has three essential features:

• A lie communicate some information.
• The liar intends to deceive or mislead.
• The liar believes that what they are 'saying' is not true.

There are some features that people think are part of lying but aren't actually necessary:

• A lie does not have to do with giving false information
• A lies does not have to be with a bad (malicious) intention - white lies are an example of lies told with a good intention

What makes a lie a lie is that the liar 
     1. intends to deceive (or at least to mislead) the person they are lying to. 
     2. It says nothing about whether the information given is true or false.

This definition covers ordinary cases of lying and these two odd cases as well:

• the case where someone inadvertently gives true information while believing that they're telling a lie:
• I want the last helping of pie for myself, so I lie to you that there is a worm in it. When I later eat that piece of pie I discover that there really is a worm in it
• the case where nobody is deceived by me because they know that I always tell lies

Psychology

The capacity to lie is noted universally in human development. Social psychology  and developmental psychology  are concerned with the theory of minds,  which people employ to simulate another's reaction to their story and determine if a lie will be believable.

  Pseudologia fantastica is a term applied by psychiatrists  to the behavior of habitual or compulsive lying.  Mythomania is the condition where there is an excessive or abnormal propensity for lying and exaggerating.

A recent study found that lying takes longer and effort than telling the truth. Or, as Chief Joseph, a Native American Tribe, 1840 - 1904,  put it, "It does not require many words to speak the truth." Some biologists have argued that lying is an unavoidable feature of human behavior. Conigitive dissonance describes the discomfort you feel  holding two (or more) conflicting thoughts, and it shows up a lot when you lie.

Lies Tax Your Brain, Cause Stress, and Harm Your Body

Lying requires a lot of effort. When you tell the truth, you simply remember what happens. When you lie you have to consider what you're trying to hide, figuring out a believable version of the opposite, giving a convincing performance to sell that lie, and then remember it for the rest of eternity so you never get caught.

Even if you're pretending to love your grandmother's disgusting fruitcake, that's a lot of pressure. Furthermore, it builds and builds every time you lie. (And you all do, even if you don't think so.) According to deception expert Pamela Meyer, the average person lies  three times within the first minute of meeting a stranger and between 10 and 200 times per day. We handle this constant lying well considering how remarkably often it occurs, but that's especially easy to do when we have an easy time ignoring the consequences.

Classification

a.    Bad faith As defined by Sartre, "bad faith" is lying to oneself. Specifically, it is failing to acknowledge one's own ability to act and determine one's possibilities, falling back on the determinations of the various historical and current tantalizations which have produced one as if they relieved one of one's freedoms to do so. b.    Barefaced lie A barefaced (or bald-faced) lie is one that is obviously a lie to those hearing it. The phrase comes from 17th-century British usage referring to those without facial hair as being seen as acting in an unconcealed or open way. A variation that has been in use almost as long is bold-faced lie, referring to a lie told with a straight and confident face (hence "bold-faced"), usually with the corresponding tone of voice and emphatic body language of one confidently speaking the truth. Bold-faced lie can also refer to misleading or inaccurate newspaper headlines, but this usage appears to be a more recent appropriation of the term. c.     Big Lie A lie which attempts to trick the victim into believing something major which will likely be contradicted by some information the victim already possesses, or by their common sense. When the lie is of sufficient magnitude it may succeed, due to the victim's reluctance to believe that an untruth on such a grand scale would indeed be concocted. d.    Bluffing To bluff is to pretend to have a capability or intention one does not actually possess. Bluffing is an act of deception that is rarely seen as immoral when it takes place in the context of a game, such as poker, where this kind of deception is consented to in advance by the players. For instance, a gambler  who deceives other players into thinking he has different cards to those he really holds, or an athlete who hints he will move left and then dodges right is not considered to be lying (also known as a feint or juke). In these situations, deception is acceptable and is commonly expected as a tactic. e.    Bullshit Bullshit does not necessarily have to be a complete fabrication; with only basic knowledge about a topic, bullshit is often used to make the audience believe that one knows far more about the topic by feigning total certainty or making probable predictions. It may also merely be "filler" or nonsense that, by virtue of its style or wording, gives the impression that it actually means something. f.     Butler lie A term coined by researchers in Cornell University  that describes small/innate lies which are usually sent electronically, and are used to terminate conversations or to save face. For example sending an SMS to someone reading "I have to go, the waiter is here" when you are not at a restaurant is an example of a butler lie g.    Contextual lie      One can state part of the truth out of context, knowing that without complete information, it gives a false impression. Likewise, one can actually state accurate facts, yet deceive with them. To say "Yeah, that's right, I ate all the white chocolate, by myself," utilizing a sarcasm that is a form of assertion by ridiculing the fact(s) implying the liar believes it to be preposterous. h.    Economy with the truth Economy with the truth is popularly used as a euphemism  for deceit, whether by volunteering false information (i.e., lying) or by deliberately holding back relevant facts. More literally, it describes a careful use of facts so as not to reveal too much information, as in speaking carefully. i.     Emergency lie An emergency lie is a strategic lie told when the truth may not be told because, for example, harm to a third party would result. For example, a neighbor might lie to an enraged husband about the whereabouts of his wife, who he believes has been unfaithful, because said husband might reasonably be expected to inflict physical injury should he encounter his wife in person. Alternatively, an emergency lie could denote a (temporary) lie told to a second person because of the presence of a third. j.     Exaggeration An exaggeration (or hyperbole) occurs when the most fundamental aspects of a statement are true, but only to a certain degree. It is also seen as "stretching the truth" or making something appear more powerful, meaningful, or real than it actually is. k.    Fabrication      A fabrication is a lie told when someone submits a statement as truth, without knowing for certain whether or not it actually is true.  Although the statement may be possible or plausible, it is not based on fact. Rather, it is something made up, or it is a misrepresentation of the truth. Examples of fabrication: A person giving directions to a tourist when the person doesn't actually know the directions. Often propaganda  is fabrication. l.     Fib A fib is a lie told with no malicious intent and little consequence. Unlike a white lies, fibs rarely include those lies or omissions that are meant to do good. m.   Half-truth A half-truth is a deceptive statement that includes some element of truth. The statement might be partly true, the statement may be totally true but only part of the whole truth, or it may utilize some deceptive element, such as improper punctuation, or double meaning, especially if the intent is to deceive, evade, blame  or misrepresent the truth. n.    Haystack answer A haystack answer (or statement) is a volume of false or irrelevant information, possibly containing a true fact (the needle in the "haystack"). Even if the truth is included, it is difficult or impossible to detect and identify. In this way, the legendary Leprechaun hid his pot of gold, even after it had been found.

o.   Honest lie An honest lie (or confabulation) is characterized by verbal statements or actions that inaccurately describe history, background, and present situations. There is typically no intent to deceive and the individual is unaware that their information is false. p.   Jocose lie Jocose (cf. jocular) lies are lies meant in jest, intended to be understood as such by all present parties. Teasing and irony  are examples. A more elaborate instance is seen in some storytelling  traditions, where the humor comes from the storyteller's insistence that the story is the absolute truth, despite all evidence to the contrary (i.e., tall-tale). There is debate about whether these are "real" lies, and different philosophers hold different views (see below). The Crick Crack Club  in London organize a yearly "Grand Lying Contest" with the winner being awarded the coveted "Hodja Cup" q.   Lie-to-children A lie-to-children is a lie, often a platitude  which may use euphemisms), which is told to make an adult subject acceptable to children. Common examples include "The stork  brought you" (in reference to childbirth) and the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy  or the Easter Bunny . r.    Lying by omission    Also known as a continuing misrepresentation, a lie by omission occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions. When the seller of a car declares it has been serviced regularly but does not tell that a fault was reported at the last service, the seller lies by omission. It can be compared to dissimulation. s.    Lying in trade The seller of a product or service may advertise untrue facts about the product or service in order to gain sales, especially by competitive advantage. Many countries and states have enacted consumer protection  laws intended to combat such fraud. An example is the Illinois Consumer Fraud and Deceptive Act that holds a seller liable for omission of any material fact that the buyer relies upon. t.    Lying through your teeth When one lies face-to-face with the intended recipient. This also may be an expression describing the act of lying with a smile or other patronizing tone or body language. u.   Minimization Minimization is the opposite of exaggeration. It is a type of deception involving denial  coupled with rationalisation  in situations where complete denial is implausible. v.    Misleading and dissembling A misleading statement is one where there is no outright lie, but still retains the purpose of getting someone to believe in an untruth. "Dissembling" likewise describes the presentation of facts in a way that is literally true, but intentionally misleading. w.  Noble lie A noble lie is one that would normally cause discord if uncovered, but offers some benefit to the liar and assists in an orderly society, therefore, potentially beneficial to others. It is often told to maintain law, order and safety. x.    Perjury Perjury is the act of lying or making verifiably false statements on a material matter under oath or affirmation in a court of law, or in any of various sworn statements in writing. Perjury is a crime, because the witness has sworn to tell the truth and, for the credibility of the court to remain intact, witness testimony must be relied on as truthful. y.    Polite lie A polite lie is a lie that a politeness standard requires, and which is usually known to be untrue by both parties. Whether such lies are acceptable is heavily dependent on culture. A common polite lie in international etiquette is to decline invitations because of "scheduling difficulties." z.    Puffery Puffery is an exaggerated claim typically found in advertising and publicity announcements, such as "the highest quality at the lowest price," or "always votes in the best interest of all the people." Such statements are unlikely to be true - but cannot be proven false and so do not violate trade laws, especially as the consumer is expected to be able to tell that it is not the absolute truth. aa. View from Nowhere     The View from Nowhere refers to journalism and analysis that misinform the audience by creating the impression that opposing parties to an issue have equal correctness and validity, even when the truth of their claims are mutually exclusive. bb.   White lie White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good. A common version of a white lie is to tell only part of the truth, therefore not be suspected of lying, and yet also conceal something else, to avoid awkward questions. White lies are also often used to shield someone from a hurtful or emotionally damaging truth, especially when not knowing the truth is completely harmless.

Lying  Ethically

There are many reasons why people think lying is wrong; which ones resonate best with you will depend on the way you think about ethics.

·     Lying is bad because a generally truthful world is a good thing: lying diminishes trust between human beings:

• if people generally didn't tell the truth, life would become very difficult, as nobody could be trusted and nothing you heard or read could be trusted - you would have to find everything out for yourself.
• an untrusting world is also bad for liars - lying isn't much use if everyone is doing it

·     Lying is bad because it treats those who are lied to as a means to achieve the liar's purpose, rather than as a valuable end in themselves.

• Many people think that it is wrong to treat people as means not an ends.

·     Lying is bad because it makes it difficult for the person being lied to make a free and informed decision about the matter concerned.

• Lies lead people to base their decisions on false information

·     Lying is bad because it cannot sensibly be made into a universal principle.

• Many people think that something should only be accepted as an ethical rule if it can be applied in every case

·     Lying is bad because it's a basic moral wrong.

• Some things are fundamentally bad - lying is one of them

·     Lying is bad because it's something that Good People don't do.

• Good behavior displays the virtues found in Good People

·     Lying is bad because it corrupts the liar.

• Telling lies may become a habit and if a person regularly indulges in one form of wrong-doing they may well become more comfortable with wrong-doing in general

·     Some religious people argue Lying is bad because it misuses the God-given gift of human communication.

• God gave humanity speech so that they could accurately share their thoughts - lying does the opposite

·     Some philosophers say lying is bad because language is essential to human societies and carries the obligation to use it truthfully.

• When people use language they effectively 'make a contract' to use it in a particular way - one of the clauses of this contract is not to use language deceitfully

Consequences

Lies obviously hurt the person who is lied to (most of the time), but they can also hurt the liar, and society in general.

The person who is lied to suffers if they don't find out because:

·     They are deprived of some control over their future because

• They can no longer make an informed choice about the issue concerned.
• They are not fully informed about their possible courses of action.
• They may make a decision that they would not otherwise have made.

·     They may suffer damage as a result of the lie.

The person who is lied to suffers psychologically:

·     Feel badly treated - deceived and manipulated,

·     Damage and harm they have suffered

·     Doubt their own ability to assess truth and make decisions

·     Mentally untrusting and uncertainty and this too damages their ability to make free and informed choices

·     May seek revenge

The liar is hurt because:

·     Need to remember the lies :

o   To act and speak in conformity with the lies

o   To tell more lies to avoid being found out

·     Wary of those he's lied to

·     His long-term credibility is at risk

o   Suffer harm if he's found out

o   If he's found out, people are more likely to lie to him

o   If he's found out he's less likely to be believed in the future

·     His own view of his integrity is damaged

·     He may find it easier to lie again or to do other wrongs

Those who tell 'good lies' don't generally suffer these consequences - although they may do so on some occasions.

Society is hurt because:

·     The general level of human truthfulness and integrity falls - encouraged to lie.

·     Lying may become a generally accepted practice in some quarters

·     It becomes harder for people to trust each other or the institutions of society

·     Social cohesion is weakened

·     Eventually no-one is able to believe anyone else and society collapses

Detection

There is no foolproof way, but there are often clues you can see in behavior that should make you suspicious:

a. Avoidance of eye contact:

• Usually someone makes eye contact at least half the time they are talking to you. If you notice them avoiding eye contact or looking down during a specific part of a conversation, they may well be lying.

b. Change of voice:

• A variation in pitch of voice or rate of speech can be a sign of lying. So can lots of umms and ahhs.

c. Body language.

• Turning your body away, covering your face or mouth, a lot of fidgeting of hands or legs can indicate deception.

d. Contradicting yourself:

• Making statements that just don’t hold together should make you suspicious. If you lie all the time, even about unimportant things, you are likely to have a problem that will eventually -- if it hasn’t already -- cause you real relationship, financial or legal troubles. Figuring out what is driving you to lie in the first place will help heal this self-destructive behavior. This may mean going into treatment with a therapist to discover why you feel the need to deceive.

e. The Truth about Lying

• Nearly any adult will tell you that lying is wrong. But when it comes to avoiding trouble, saving face, or sparing someone’s feelings, many people find themselves doing it anyway. To pinpoint how people stretch the truth from time to time and the potential fallout from it, learn the common ways that people mislead.

  Deception Points

Most lies aren’t meant to be hurtful to others; rather, they’re meant to help the one doing the fibbing. These are the six top ways people lie.

1.   Lying to Save Face

What it sounds like: “Gosh, I never got the shower invitation!” “Sorry I’m late, but there was a huge pileup on the freeway.”
Why people do it: For self-preservation. While it may be instinctual, people who frequently cover up innocent errors may start to feel as if they have permission to be irresponsible. What’s more, it can become grueling for them to keep track of those deceptions. Eventually those lies hinder people from having close connections, says Smith. “Of course, there are relationships in which it doesn’t matter as much,” he says.
How you can avoid it: 

·     Think long-term.

When you’re tempted to be less than truthful, consider your ultimate goal: to have a happy marriage, say, or a solid friendship. Then, when torn between fact and fiction, ask yourself, “Which will put me closer to my goal?” Usually the choice is clear.

·     Keep it simple.

Most of the time, a short apology is all that’s needed, and you can omit some details without sacrificing the truth. Something like “Sorry that I didn’t call you back sooner” is usually sufficient and effective.

2.   Lying to Shift Blame

What it sounds like: “It’s my boss’s decision, not mine.” “My husband never told me you called.”
Why people do it: “To effectively give away power and control,” says Smith. “When done habitually, this can diminish a person’s ability to deal with life’s bigger problems.” When someone constantly saddles other people with his responsibilities, others can grow resentful of carrying this burden. Also, eternally passing the buck is downright exhausting. The deceiver keeps fielding requests but is only postponing the inevitable. Eventually the issue will have to be dealt with.
How you can avoid it: 

·     Dig deep.

In some cases, blame shifting can signal difficulty with accepting responsibility for your actions, says Joseph S. Weiner, chief of consultation psychiatry at North Shore University Hospital, in Manhasset, New York. Maybe you were criticized for making mistakes as a child, for example, and so now you’re afraid to own up because of what other people may think of you. Once you realize this is a behavior that can be changed, however, you can start to regain the power you may feel you don’t have.

·        Flip it around.

Before using a colleague or a loved one as a decoy in a minor deception, think of how the other person would feel in the same scenario. 

If the deception puts other people in an unfavorable light, it’s best to leave them out of it. 

Conclusion

Life has no paradigms. Lying cause stress and other awful problems, but it's useful and even necessary at certain times. When lying assures your safety or honesty puts you in danger, you probably shouldn't choose the truth.

Exceptions always exist, and regardless of our intentions we're not going become model truth-tellers no matter how comfortable we feel. Generally speaking, honesty provides far more mental and physical health benefits than dishonesty. 

Nevertheless, we're complicated creatures. We make complicated decisions every day. We'll find reasons to lie that are necessary, but we'll naturally find more that aren't. Watch out for instances when you lie out of politeness and to preserve your own self-esteem. 

Think about the long-term effects and not how the lie will protect you, or someone else, in a particular moment. You can't always tell the truth, but the more you do the happier your brain and body will be.  

Excerpt and extracts taken with thanks from:

Adam Dachis

Wikipedia

Gail Saltz

Jenna Mccarthy

ww.drgailsaltz.com