Man : Prime (Maturity)

Maturity

In psychology , maturity is the ability to respond to the human world environment  in an appropriate  manner. A generally learned response, and is not determined by one's age.   
Maturity is the behavior of a person at the correct time and place and acting appropriately, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in. 
Adult development and maturity understanding the purpose of life and its concept, directions, and intentions which will contributes to a feeling of meaningful life in this world. 

 

The signs of maturity are distinguished: by the shift from reliance on guardianship  and the adult decision-making in one’s life.

 Jerome Bruner advocates that the purpose of the period of immaturity:

• a time for experimental play without serious consequences,

• where a young can spend a great deal of time observing the actions of skilled others in coordination.

Many of the behavioral and emotional problems associated with adolescence may arise as children try to cope with the increased demands placed on them, demands which have become increasingly abstracted from the work and expectations of adulthood.

The Marks of Maturity

 Human today, has advanced intellectually, but lagging behind emotionally. Missing the marks of maturity they should possess. 

Humans today have been overexposed than their growing up—and far sooner, too. Consuming information on everything from cyberspace to sexual techniques before graduating. Everything is coming at them sooner.

Sociology professor Tony Campolo said, “We don’t live in a generation of bad kids. We live in a generation of kids who know too much too soon.”

On the other hand, youth have been stunted in their emotional maturity. They seem to require more time to actually “grow up” and prepare for the responsibility that comes with adulthood. This is a result of many factors, is the well-intentioned parents   who hover over their kids not allowing them to experience the pain of maturation. It’s like the child who tries to help the new butterfly break out of the cocoon, and realizes later that they have done a disservice to that butterfly. The butterfly is not strong enough to fly once it is free.

What the Brain Says About Maturity

Neuroscientists now know that brain maturation continues far later into development than had been believed previously. Significant changes in brain anatomy and activity are still taking place during young adulthood, especially in prefrontal regions that are important for planning ahead, anticipating the future consequences of one’s decisions, controlling impulses, and comparing risk and reward. Indeed, some brain regions and systems do not reach full maturity until the early or mid-20s.

• First, different brain regions and systems mature along different timetables. There is no single age at which the adolescent brain becomes an adult brain. Systems responsible for logical reasoning mature by the time people are 16, but those involved in self-regulation are still developing in young adulthood. This is why 16-year-olds are just as competent as adults when it comes to granting informed medical consent, but still immature in ways that diminish their criminal responsibility, as the Supreme Court has noted in several recent cases. Using different ages for different legal boundaries seems odd, but it would make neuroscientific sense if we did it rationally.

• Second, science has never had much of an influence on these sorts of decisions. If it did, we wouldn’t have ended up with a society that permits teenagers to drive before they can see R-rated movies on their own. Surely the maturity required to operate a car or face combat exceeds that required to handle sexy movies or drinking. Age boundaries are drawn for mainly political reasons, not scientific ones. It’s unlikely that brain science will have much of an impact on these thresholds, no matter what the science says.

Pruning the Brain

There is another reason, however, that teens struggle with maturation. Scientists are gaining new insights into remarkable changes in teenagers’ brains that may explain why the teen years are so hard on young people and their parents. 
From ages 11-14, kids lose some of the connections between cells in the part of their brain   that enables them to think clearly and make good decisions.

What happens is that the brain is pruning itself—going through changes that will allow a young person to move into adult life effectively? 
“Ineffective or weak brain connections are pruned in much the same way a gardener would prune a tree or bush, giving the plant a desired shape,” says Alison Gopnik, Professor of Child Development at UC Berkley.

Adolescents who are experiencing these brain changes can react emotionally, according to Ian Campbell, a neurologist at the U.C. Davis Sleep   Research Laboratory. Mood swings, uncooperative and irresponsible attitudes can all be the result of these changes occurring. Sometimes, students can’t explain why they feel the way they do. Their brain is changing from a child brain to an adult brain.

Regions that specialize in language, for example, grow rapidly until about age 13 and then stop. The frontal lobes of the brain which are responsible for high level reasoning and decision making   aren’t fully mature until the early 20s, according to Deborah Yurgelun-Todd, a neuroscientist at Harvard’s Brain Imaging Center. 
There’s a portion of time when the child part of the brain has been pruned, but the adult portion is not fully formed. They are “in-between.” They are informed but not prepared.

Youth today are consuming information they aren’t completely ready to handle. The adult part of their brain is still forming and isn’t ready to apply all that our society throws at it. Their mind takes it in and files it, but their will and emotions are not prepared to act on it in a healthy way. They can become paralyzed by all the content they consume.

They want so much to be able to experience the world they’ve seen on websites or heard on podcasts, but don’t realize they are unprepared for that experience emotionally. They are truly in between a child and an adult. (This is the genius behind movie ratings and viewer discretion advisories on TV). I believe a healthy, mature student is one who has developed intellectually, volitionally, emotionally and spiritually. I also believe there are marks we can look for, as we coach them into maturity. 

The Mature Personality

Dr. Martha Starks Honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Union Bible Institute in Durham, North Carolina defines psychological maturity as "being able to accept the reality of people and things as they are, without needing them to be other than that."

Along with this realistic attitude toward life, mature people also possess these healthy character traits:

• Ability to know what you want and the capacity to make it happen
• Self-control and thinking before you act
• Self-reliance and the ability to take responsibility for your life and actions
• Patience
• The ability to sustain intimate relationships and establish positive connections with others
• Generosity and the desire to give and be there for others
• Integrity
• A sense of balance and equanimity in dealing with stress
• Perseverance
• Decisiveness
• Humility and the ability to admit when you're wrong

So what are the marks of maturity? We all love it when we see a young person who carries themselves well and shows signs of being mature. They interact with adults in an adult manner and are downright refreshing.  .

1.   A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.

One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay pleasure. Part of this means a person is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it. 

2.   A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.

As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity. 

3.   A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.

Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance. 

The hardest words in the English language to say are “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong”. Yet, these words are growth words – they grow you as a person. There are times when you will be right in life, despite what others have said. Instead of rushing to say “I told you so,” realize that everyone has a different view of reality. You don’t need to gain satisfaction by gloating about an outcome. People will respect you when they see that you are willing to admit your mistakes and when you are big enough to just let things go.

4.   A mature person’s decisions are based on character not feelings.

Mature people—students or adults—live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions. 

5.   A mature person expresses gratitude  consistently.

The more mature, the more grateful he becomes, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population. 

6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.

A wise  man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate. 

7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting.

A mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom. 

8. Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. 
    How often do we let anger and destructive habits taint our responses to a situation? As stressful as any situation may be, we need to learn how to resolve them   without turning towards anger and potentially destructive behavior.

9.   Maturity is patience.

It is true what they say:the best things in life often take time to fruitation.We have to be willing to pass up immediate pleasure or rewards and realize that sometimes the best solution to a problem is to go for the resolution that gives us long-term gain. We may not get what we want today, but in the long run we will grow our lives in a multitude of ways.

10.   Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Life will present us with any unpleasant situations. Sometimes we will not only face frustration  but also defeat. We must learn that no matter how difficult or unpleasant the situation may be we should face it without complaint or giving up on it altogether. Life is about learning and we can learn a lot from the situations we face that may put us in situations where we would rather not be.

11.   Maturity is the ability to make a decision and follow through.

Doing be a talker, be a doer! So many people have good intentions but they never follow through them.  Don’t spend your entire life thinking of all the ways you can do things and then end up doing nothing.

12.   Maturity means dependability and coming through in a crisis.

When you say you are going to do something, do everything in your power to make it happen. If you find out you cannot do something you said you were going to do, be sure to let the other party know why and explain alternative options. Get organized in life so that people learn that they can depend on you and know that when you say you will do something they can guarantee that what you say is golden.

13.   Maturity is the art of living in peace.

Know that there are some things in life we simply cannot change and be accepting of that. Also know that there are opportunities to change things in this world. With this knowledge you can have the courage to go forth and help bring about change for the better. Have the wisdom to know when you can make a difference and when you must be accepting of what is presented to you despite how you feel to the contrary.

Maturity Begins at Home

Many of us fall short of these noble attributes, it is because we grew up in less than ideal circumstances. No one is born mature. Our emotional development is shaped by our parents and life experiences. 
Mature parents who recognize, validate, love, and accept their children and are fulfilled in their own lives rear mature children. "I think parents who have been able to find and realize their own dreams are the best parents of all, as long as their dream includes understanding and loving their own children," says Dr. Starks.

A child who successfully struggles with failures, disappointments, and heartaches will develop greater maturity than one who is pampered and indulged. Throughout childhood, there are development tasks to be mastered, like making friends and developing autonomy. By completing most tasks without undue stress, conflict, or difficulty, a child can develop into a mature adult.

A high IQ (intelligence quotient), good looks, and robust health—while attractive innate qualities—don't contribute to emotional maturity. There are many people born with fewer advantages who develop into mature, well-adjusted adults. Emotional maturity is, however, closely related to the popular concept of emotional intelligence,  in which people are adept at handling their own and others' feelings.

a.   Activities

Life experiences are also valuable in developing maturity, says Dr. Starks. Group and community activities that foster creativity, collaboration, and empowerment can be very transforming. Being involved in sports or a theatre company, for example, can help you gain confidence, develop new skills, and learn to work cooperatively with others.

b.     Volunteer Work

Helping others is a time-honored way to transcend your own difficulties and experience the satisfaction of service. Being a Big Brother or Sister or hospice volunteer can be valuable growth experiences. So can any situation where you pitch in and help or assume responsibility. Getting beyond yourself is a step towards gaining the perspective that leads to the accepting attitude of a mature adult.

The 6 Levels of Emotional Maturity

    a)   Level One Maturity -Basic Emotional Responsibility-  

   When a person reaches level one of emotional maturity, they realize that they can no longer view their emotional states as the responsibility of external forces such as people, places, things, forces, fate, and spirits.

   They learn to drop expressions from their speech that show disownership of feelings and a helpless or victim attitude towards their feelings. Expressions such as: "They made me feel . . . , " "It made me feel . . . ," "I made them feel. . . ," and any others that denote external emotional responsibility are first changed into "I" statements as opposed to "You" or blaming statements. They are, for example, changed from, "You make me so mad when you do that," to "I feel mad when you do that because . . . ." People learn at this level to regularly use the following expressions: "When you did . . . , I felt . . . , because . . . ." "When . . . happened, I felt . . . , because . . . ." As time and maturity advance, they begin to use even more accurate statements that inhibit the Blame Game such as: "I chose to feel . . . when I did . . . , because . . . ." "I choose to feel . . . whenever . . . happens, because . . . ." "I chose to feel . . . when he, she, it, did . . . , because . . . ." "I am in the habit of choosing to feel . . . whenever my/your . . . says anything to me, because . . . ."

b)     Level Two Maturity -Emotional Honesty-  

    Emotional honesty concerns the willingness of the person to know and own their own feelings. This is a necessary step to self-understanding and acceptance. The issues of resistance to self-discovery are dealt with at this level. They are related solely to the person's conscious and unconscious fears of dealing directly with the critical voices they hear inside. In the past, they have typically lost all interactions with this internal adversary, so their fears are justified.

   Now, however, they know how to choose to feel so that they can keep from being destroyed, or they can choose not to interact with their accuser at all. The realization of the old maxim, "To thine own self be true," is the primary goal at this level. This means that we are always true to what we feel: we do not hide, stuff, suppress, or repress what we feel, but honestly experience it at this level of maturity. Here, you are at least honest with yourself about how you really feel. As a secondary goal on this level, people learn to locate others with whom they can safely share their real feelings, their real selves. Such work to never again accept self as behavior.

c)   Level Three Maturity -Emotional Openness-  

    This level concerns the person's willingness and skills in sharing their feelings in an appropriate manner and at appropriate times. Persons at this level experience and learn the value of ventilating feelings, and also the dangers involved in hiding feelings from self and others. Self-disclosure is the important issue at this level of work. Yet, it will never be as important as the willingness of the person to be open to experiencing all of their feelings as they arise without the critical voices they hear inside trying to change, control, or condemn them. The dangers of suppressing feelings, and the values inherent in exploring and allowing all feelings internal expression are investigated further. At this level, one has the openness, the freedom to experience any emotion without the need, the compulsion to suppress or repress it.

d)  Level Four Maturity -Emotional Assertiveness-  

The person at this level of work enters a new era of positive self-expression. The primary goal here is to be able to ask for and to receive the nurturing that one needs and wants--first from self and then from others. As a secondary goal, persons should learn how to express any feeling appropriately in any situation, i.e., without aggressive overtones. This person makes time for their feelings--they prize and respect them. Such understand the connection between suppressed feelings, stress, and illness. Level Five Maturity, Emotional Understanding, and Level Six Maturity, Emotional Detachment, are both covered in another booklet entitled, Self-Concept: The Enemy Within. For ordering information, please look at the end of this booklet.

e)   Level Five Maturity -Emotional Understanding-  

Persons on this level understand the actual cause and effect process of emotional responsibility and irresponsibility. Self-concepts are known as "the" problem. They realize that it is not possible to have a so-called good self-concept without a complimentary bad self-concept. Such experience firsthand, that because of the nature of knowledge and the formation of self-concepts, that all self-concepts contain their opposites.

Knowing that though we may hide one half in darkness (unconsciousness) it is still active in us; they begin to regularly leap beyond the pitfalls of self-concepts, self-images, and self-constructs. This knowledge of the Unity of Opposites (of self-concepts, of knowledge) is applied to new situations daily. Other understandings at this level include the following: attempts to capture a moment of self can only kill the self as the self is a living process and not knowledge or memory; to reduce self to knowledge is literally to kill it; one either has their self and is alive and experiencing, or one has found their self as knowledge and lost it.

Self-concepts are always externally referented by their very nature, and thus forever the perfect targets and hooks for the Blame Game. (For a description of the Blame Game see The Secret of Maturity.) Knowing that self-concepts are the only hooks that can be used in the Blame Game, people at this level remember to work on seeing their own self-concepts and finding release from their own. Self-knowledge is used to free the self from self-concepts on this level rather than to form them and imprison the self in them. The main work here is a total shift from identifying with any self-concepts to identifying only with the true self.  

f)    Level Six Maturity -Emotional Detachment-  

At this level the person lives without the burden and snare of self-concepts, self-images, self-constructs, and all group-concepts and thing-concepts. They are only aware of self as process, as a sensing being, as an experiencing being, as a living vessel, as unknowable and untrappable--because it is alive and not static or fixed. They have died to the life of self as self-concepts. True detachment from all self-concepts has occurred. Thus true detachment from others has also occurred, which means that absolute emotional responsibility has been achieved (actually discovered). Not having self-concepts to defend or promote, this person can remain unaffected by the Blame Game, and even experiences unconditional love for their enemies.  

Steps to Maturity

1. Eliminate Magical Thinking

Magical thinking is believing that something will happen without any real effort on your part. This is normal thinking in children, but self defeating in adults. People often can get stuck in magical thinking if a significant event happened to reinforce it in childhood.

For a dramatic but not uncommon example, consider the child whose parent has a heart attack. If that child had been angry with the parent that day and thought angry thoughts about them, they would probably magically think that they themselves had caused the heart attack.

That child as an adult may find it extremely difficult to confront others, especially others who are perceived as frail.

2. Learn to Tolerate Your Anxiety

Suppressing your anxiety causes it to continue - "what you resist, persists".

Then you start fearing the anxiety, a state referred to as anticipatory anxiety. It's sort of like working out with weights - when it is heavy and your arm gets tired, your natural impulse is to put down the weight, but you know to strengthen your muscles, you continue. It is the same with anxiety. Your tendency is to avoid it and seek immediate relief. But to become stronger emotionally, take the time to look at your anxiety, learn about it, and work with it.

3. Accept responsibility

Responsibility is the foundation of character and integrity. Learn to accept responsibility for your actions, without any excuses. Accept blame as readily as you do credit. Be prepared for the consequences of your decisions and make the right ones so as to minimize those occasions where you must shoulder responsibility. For instance, cut out potentially dangerous behavior such as speeding, or driving after a few drinks.

4. Control your emotions

An inability to rein your emotions can produce problems in both your personal and professional life. Rather than suppressing your feelings, work on venting them while controlling your words and actions. For example, if someone lashes out at you in anger, don't respond in kind. Instead, remain calm and cool -- you'll be the better man for it.

5.   Give back

Your successes have a lot to do with help you received along the way. So return the favor and help out others. If you can afford to, donate money to a charity, church or any other worthwhile organization. If money is short, donate your time by volunteering for a charity or mentoring a child.

6.   Spend time with family & friends

Be sure to visit your relatives often. If you can't, then keep in touch with them. Call them and catch up. The same applies to your buddies. Even if you're all hitched, try to get together every week. Go for a few beers or play a round of golf. Remember that you probably knew your friends before your girl came into the picture.

7.   Overcome character flaws

Each one of us has character flaws. Make a sincere effort to become aware of your habits, traits and overall personality. Listen to what your friends and family say about your behavior. Work on eliminating character weaknesses and enhancing your strong traits; for example, if your work ethic is lacking, resolve to put in a greater effort at work every day.

8.   Mind your manners

The way you treat others through your words or actions reflects directly on you. You're a walking, talking billboard for yourself. So advertise your good manners. If you don't, people won't like you, won't want to hire you and won't want to date you. Practice the good manners that your parents (hopefully) instilled in you.

9.   Do your own thing

Do what you think is right for yourself, not what others think is right for you. In other words, follow your bliss. And don't compare yourself with others, especially in regards to material gain, or you'll likely feel inadequate. Take a chance on a career path you've always dreamed of, but never followed.

10.  Operate with integrity

 A man of integrity puts his principles and moral ethics in front of pleasure and personal gain. Employers, colleagues and women all respect people of integrity. Practice keeping your word and doing what's right, instead of just what you want

11.  Meet your goals

From CEOs of companies to professional athletes, successful people all share a single powerful habit: The ability to set and accomplish goals. Without defined goals and a solid plan, your life will become a daily grind that provides little happiness and even less fulfillment. Start by writing down daily, weekly and monthly goals for yourself. Then resolve to meet them.

11.   Kick bad habits

All of us have bad habits  to varying degrees. Sooner or later, you'll suffer the consequences of them. Make a commitment to reduce and eliminate your bad habits. Pick one of your worst tendencies, like swearing or persistent tardiness, and tell your family and friends that you're working on cutting it out of your life. With them acting as watchdogs, you're more likely to kick it.

12.   Keep a youthful outlook

Remember that you're only as old as you think you are. Maintain a youthful and fun lifestyle that stimulates your body and mind. Pursue fun and wild activities like white water rafting or parachuting. As long as you're feeling younger, why not get yourself a younger girlfriend?

13.   Take advantage of opportunities

Opportunities abound in life, but taking advantage of them often involves risk. Nothing great has ever been accomplished without great risk. Whether you have an opportunity to start your own business or date a girl who you think is out of your league, believe in yourself and strike while the iron is hot. Don't live with regret.

14.   Master patience

Patience and persistence breed success. Most great people fail more times than they succeed. So, learn to pause and relax when you feel impatient. Practice patience by babysitting for a friend or relative's child.

15.   Diversify your interests

Take up a new hobby or interest in order to expand your horizons and become a more well-rounded man. Make the effort to challenge yourself by developing a new skill, such as learning to speak a foreign language. Once you've done so, reward yourself with a trip to a foreign country to test your fluency.

16. Read more

Reading is the key to expanding your vocabulary and knowledge. Turn off the TV for an hour each day and pick up a book instead. Read inspirational books related to self-improvement or your career interest. Or read an entertaining book just for fun.

17.   Exercise

Exercise is the key to looking and feeling younger. What you do is not as important as how much you do it. So make a commitment to incorporate some form of physical activity into your daily routine.

18.   Get a pet

Having a pet has been shown to greatly reduce stress and improve happiness. Furthermore, a pet is one of the best ways to learn about responsibility and commitment. This will help you prepare for marriage and eventual children.

19.   Be wise, young man

As you continue on your journey toward becoming a mature man, remember that one of the keys is to always maintain a positive outlook. A positive mental attitude about everything in your life will allow you to succeed where others have failed.

Extract and excerpts taken with many thanks from:

http://nadaskysnest.com/what_is_psychological_maturity.htm

Laurence Steinberg,

http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_100/101_better_living.html#ixzz2M2rgTkqI

Kevin Everett FitzMaurice.

Dr. Tim Elmore in Artificial Maturity